1
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Subtitles downloaded from www.OpenSubtitles.org

2
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Guardian of the universe.

3
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Protecting us against the forces of evil.

4
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The superpowers of this man...

5
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He can catch a bullet,

6
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halt a speeding train.

7
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And leap tall buildings in a single bound.

8
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- Up in the sky...
- Is it a bird?

9
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A mailman by day...

10
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City's guardian by night.

11
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Defending the citizens of New York
from the forces of evil.

12
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The world has been protected
by a group of extraordinary men and women

13
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who have dedicated themselves
to fighting crime.

14
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Mysterious traveler from another dimension.

15
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He has powers far beyond
the capabilities of mere earthlings.

16
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I always wondered
why nobody did it before me.

17
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I mean, all those comic books,
movies, TV shows,

18
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you'd think that one eccentric Ioner
would have made himself a costume.

19
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I mean, is everyday life really so exciting?

20
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Are schools and offices so thrilling

21
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that I'm the only one
who ever fantasized about this?

22
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Come on, be honest with yourself.

23
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At some point in our lives,
we all wanted to be a superhero.

24
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That's not me, by the way.

25
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That's some Armenian guy
with a history of mental health problems.

26
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Who am I? I'm Kick-Ass.

27
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That's me,
back before any of this crazy shit happened.

28
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I guess I was the last person
you'd expect to become a superhero.

29
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I'm not saying
there was anything wrong with me,

30
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but there was nothing special, either.

31
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- Asshole.
- I wasn't into sports.

32
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I wasn't a mathlete or a hardcore gamer.

33
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I didn't have a piercing
or an eating disorder

34
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or 3,000 friends on MySpace.

35
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My only superpower
was being invisible to girls.

36
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And out of my friends, man,
I wasn't even the funny one.

37
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Like most people my age, I just existed.

38
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Good morning, class.

39
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Please open your books to Act 2, Scene 2.

40
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Kick in my bedroom door,
and you'd probably find me watching TV

41
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or talking to my friend Todd on Skype...

42
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- Are you watching Family Guy?
- Nope.

43
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Me, either. Check out nippleslip. Com.
It's good.

44
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...or jerking off,
mostly to my English teacher.

45
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Dave Lizewski.

46
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Don't think I haven't noticed
you looking at my tits, Dave.

47
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I want your hands all over me, Dave.

48
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Please.

49
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Sure, a lot of what got me
through the average school day

50
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was making deposits
in the whack-off warehouse for later.

51
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Though to be honest,

52
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it didn't take much to set me off.

53
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I swear, when my hormones balance out,

54
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shares in Kleenex
are gonna take a dive, man.

55
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Dave Lizewski, shouldn't you be looking
at Hamlet right now?

56
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Yes, Mrs. Zane.

57
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I'm sorry.

58
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But don't get me wrong.
I like girls my own age, too.

59
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Especially Katie Deauxma.

60
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Hey, gorgeous.

61
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Hey.

62
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Oh, no.

63
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You meant Erika. I know. I knew that.

64
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I was just kidding.

65
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Okay, cool.

66
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Oh, my God.

67
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Hey. Look, I'm Todd's mom.

68
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That's funny. This is your dad.

69
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No, that's still my mom, actually.

70
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What the fuck!

71
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I was just a regular guy.

72
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No radioactive spiders, no refugee status
from a doomed alien world.

73
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You know what? Todd said
they do still make Count Chocula.

74
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They just don't sell it at the store anymore.

75
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My mother was killed by an aneurism
in the kitchen...

76
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- Mom?
...as opposed to a gunman in the alley.

77
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So if you were hoping for any,

78
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"I will avenge you, Mother!"

79
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You're out of luck.

80
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In the 18 months since my mother died,

81
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the only epiphany I had
was realizing that life just goes on.

82
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Did they change the bee's face?

83
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No.

84
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How come nobody's ever tried
to be a superhero?

85
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Boy, I don't know.

86
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Probably 'cause it's fucking impossible,
dipshit.

87
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What, putting on a mask and
helping people? How's that impossible?

88
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That's not superhero, though.
How is that super?

89
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Super's like being stronger than everybody
and flying and shit. That's just hero.

90
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No, it's not even hero.
It's just fucking psycho.

91
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Hello? Bruce Wayne?
He didn't have any powers.

92
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Yes, but he had all the expensive shit
that doesn't exist.

93
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I thought you meant, like,
"How come nobody does it in real life?"

94
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Yeah, Todd, that's what I meant.

95
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Dude, if anybody did it in real life,
they'd get their ass kicked.

96
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- They'd be dead in, like, a day.
- A day.

97
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Yeah, okay,
I'm not saying they should do it.

98
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I just can't figure out why nobody does.

99
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Seriously, out of all the millions of people
who love superheroes,

100
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you'd think one would give it a try.

101
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Jesus, guys, does it not bug you?

102
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Why thousands of people
wanna be Paris Hilton

103
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and nobody wants to be Spider-Man?

104
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Yeah, what's with that?
She has, like, no tits at all.

105
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Maybe it's the porn tape.
He doesn't have a porn tape.

106
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You guys never saw
One Night in Spider-Man?

107
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Guess who?

108
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Is it me or do you kind of feel sorry
for Chris D'Amico?

109
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Yeah, it must be terrible
to have a rich dad and everything you want.

110
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I wish you wouldn't have said anything

111
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- 'cause I feel like I'm gonna start crying.
- Right.

112
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The fact that he's always on his own?

113
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We should, like, talk to him.
See if he wants to hang out with us.

114
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I didn't say we should talk to him. I just...

115
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Think about it. Come on, it'd be awesome.

116
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If he was our friend,
no one would ever fuck with us again.

117
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Well, go on then, Todd. You wanna...

118
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- I can get up.
- No, no...

119
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- You wanna go talk to him? I can move.
- Dave... Dave should go.

120
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- Dave should go.
- Why?

121
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- Dave, you should totally go.
- Go.

122
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- You're a dick.
- Don't be afraid, Dave.

123
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You're a pussy.

124
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Fuck off.

125
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Did you spray anything over there?

126
00:07:37,569 --> 00:07:40,655
Yeah, I think
I might have just shat in my pants a little.

127
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- See you later.
- God, see you.

128
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If that guy would have spoken to me
like that, I would have kicked his ass.

129
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Todd, when have you ever
kicked anyone's ass?

130
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Whatever, man.
I would have just gone for his knees.

131
00:07:50,874 --> 00:07:53,417
- You're not making sense.
- What I'm saying is the centrifugal force

132
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of Batman's batarang would undoubtedly
penetrate the Joker's force field,

133
00:07:56,588 --> 00:07:59,090
- leaving him totally vulnerable to the...
- All right...

134
00:07:59,174 --> 00:08:00,883
- Pussy patrol.
- Fuck.

135
00:08:01,176 --> 00:08:04,053
- Phones, money.
- Dude, not again, come on.

136
00:08:06,306 --> 00:08:07,598
- Phone.
- I don't have one.

137
00:08:07,683 --> 00:08:10,476
- Someone else jacked it last week.
- Pussy.

138
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- Give me the bag.
- It's just comics.

139
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Yo, you want to get cut?

140
00:08:25,367 --> 00:08:27,869
Look at this asshole just watching.

141
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Come on, be honest with yourself.

142
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Would you do anything differently?

143
00:08:39,965 --> 00:08:43,176
We see someone in trouble
and we wish we could help,

144
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but we don't.

145
00:08:49,057 --> 00:08:52,894
The world I lived in,
heroes only existed in comic books.

146
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And I guess that would have been okay
if bad guys were make-believe, too.

147
00:08:59,860 --> 00:09:01,235
But they're not.

148
00:09:02,237 --> 00:09:05,406
Frankie, I'm telling you, man,
I swear I'm not making this up.

149
00:09:05,908 --> 00:09:10,411
This fucking guy comes out of nowhere,
kicks our asses,

150
00:09:10,495 --> 00:09:12,496
and steals all the coke.

151
00:09:12,581 --> 00:09:14,332
This would be the guy
that looks like Batman?

152
00:09:14,416 --> 00:09:16,167
I didn't say he looked like Batman.

153
00:09:16,251 --> 00:09:19,045
You did, Tre.
You said the guy looked like Batman.

154
00:09:19,129 --> 00:09:21,172
- He said like a mask and stuff.
- And a cape.

155
00:09:21,256 --> 00:09:23,424
- Yeah, like Batman.
- I didn't say "Like Batman."

156
00:09:23,508 --> 00:09:25,092
I never said "Batman."

157
00:09:25,177 --> 00:09:26,260
Okay.

158
00:09:27,387 --> 00:09:30,348
Let me tell you the problem
I got with that, Tre.

159
00:09:30,432 --> 00:09:34,143
Our mole with the Russians
tells things a little different.

160
00:09:35,229 --> 00:09:39,398
According to him, you sold him my coke
and you took the money.

161
00:09:39,483 --> 00:09:41,317
That's a fucking lie!

162
00:09:41,818 --> 00:09:45,863
I can't believe that you would believe
this shit from a fucking Russian, man!

163
00:09:45,948 --> 00:09:48,950
Let me see, Tre.
Hey, what's more likely, huh?

164
00:09:49,368 --> 00:09:54,247
That you're a greedy little cocksucker
or all my coke was stolen by Superman?

165
00:09:54,539 --> 00:09:56,207
- Batman.
- I never said Batman!

166
00:09:56,291 --> 00:09:57,458
Enough!

167
00:10:00,796 --> 00:10:03,965
Now my son is waiting out there
in the car to go to the movies,

168
00:10:04,049 --> 00:10:05,633
and I ain't gonna disappoint him.

169
00:10:06,927 --> 00:10:08,803
Joe, you're in charge.

170
00:10:09,221 --> 00:10:11,389
- Frank... Frankie!
- That's gotta be the worst fucking excuse

171
00:10:11,473 --> 00:10:13,099
I ever heard, Tre.

172
00:10:20,482 --> 00:10:23,526
- Sorry you had to wait, buddy.
- The movie is starting in 10 minutes.

173
00:10:23,610 --> 00:10:26,904
It's okay. We're cool.
We're only gonna miss the trailers.

174
00:10:26,989 --> 00:10:28,906
Yeah. But I want to get some popcorn.

175
00:10:28,991 --> 00:10:30,825
When we get in there,
get Chris some popcorn.

176
00:10:30,909 --> 00:10:33,119
- Okay?
- You fucking motherfuckers!

177
00:10:33,203 --> 00:10:34,578
What do you want to drink?
You want a Pepsi?

178
00:10:34,663 --> 00:10:37,957
- Yeah, that's fine.
- Get him a Pepsi, and I'll have an Icee.

179
00:10:38,041 --> 00:10:39,208
Mixed.

180
00:10:39,960 --> 00:10:42,586
Like when they mix
the red one and the blue one.

181
00:10:43,880 --> 00:10:45,673
And a pack of Twizzlers.

182
00:11:07,195 --> 00:11:09,405
The comic books had it wrong.

183
00:11:09,865 --> 00:11:14,493
It didn't take a trauma or cosmic rays
or a power ring to make a superhero.

184
00:11:16,121 --> 00:11:19,874
Just the perfect combination
of optimism and naivety.

185
00:11:53,909 --> 00:11:56,452
You are fucking awesome.

186
00:11:59,247 --> 00:12:01,290
Come on then, bring it on!

187
00:12:28,443 --> 00:12:29,693
Daddy, I'm scared.

188
00:12:29,778 --> 00:12:31,695
Come on, Mindy, honey.

189
00:12:31,780 --> 00:12:34,532
Be a big girl now.
There's nothing to be afraid of.

190
00:12:34,866 --> 00:12:37,451
- Is it gonna hurt bad?
- Oh, child.

191
00:12:38,036 --> 00:12:39,829
Only for a second, sugar.

192
00:12:39,913 --> 00:12:42,957
A handgun bullet travels at... More than?

193
00:12:43,041 --> 00:12:45,543
- 700 miles an hour.
- 700 miles an hour.

194
00:12:45,627 --> 00:12:49,713
So at close range like this, the force
is gonna take you off your feet for sure,

195
00:12:50,298 --> 00:12:52,925
but it's really no more painful
than a punch in the chest.

196
00:12:53,468 --> 00:12:55,511
I hate getting punched in the chest.

197
00:12:56,138 --> 00:12:58,472
You're gonna be fine, baby doll.

198
00:13:05,897 --> 00:13:08,149
How was that? Not so bad.

199
00:13:08,733 --> 00:13:11,652
Kind of fun, huh?
Now you know how it feels.

200
00:13:12,112 --> 00:13:15,281
You won't be scared
when some junkie asshole pulls a Glock.

201
00:13:15,365 --> 00:13:18,159
- I wouldn't have been scared anyways.
- That's my girl.

202
00:13:18,243 --> 00:13:22,580
All right, up you get. Come on.
Two more rounds and then home.

203
00:13:22,789 --> 00:13:23,914
Again?

204
00:13:25,208 --> 00:13:27,918
Look, only if we can go
by the bowling alley on the way back.

205
00:13:28,378 --> 00:13:29,920
The bowling alley?

206
00:13:30,297 --> 00:13:32,381
Yeah. And ice cream after.

207
00:13:34,676 --> 00:13:37,094
Okay. Two more rounds.

208
00:13:37,345 --> 00:13:42,641
No wincing, no whining,
and you got yourself a deal, young lady.

209
00:13:42,726 --> 00:13:45,603
Yeah! I'm gonna get a hot fudge sundae.

210
00:13:45,687 --> 00:13:47,521
Good call, baby doll.

211
00:13:50,859 --> 00:13:54,403
So, have you thought a little more about
what you might want for your birthday?

212
00:13:55,197 --> 00:13:56,572
Can I get a puppy?

213
00:13:58,074 --> 00:13:59,325
You wanna get a dog?

214
00:13:59,534 --> 00:14:01,452
Yeah, a cuddly, fluffy one.

215
00:14:01,536 --> 00:14:03,954
And a Bratz Movie Star Makeover Sasha.

216
00:14:09,211 --> 00:14:10,920
I'm just fucking with you, Daddy.

217
00:14:11,004 --> 00:14:13,714
Look, I'd love
a Benchmade Model 42 butterfly knife.

218
00:14:14,674 --> 00:14:15,966
Oh, child.

219
00:14:16,218 --> 00:14:18,552
You always knock me for a loop.

220
00:14:18,637 --> 00:14:19,720
- You know what?
- What?

221
00:14:19,804 --> 00:14:21,764
- I'm gonna get you two.
- Two?

222
00:14:21,848 --> 00:14:24,892
One balisong. Two balisong.
That's what you get.

223
00:14:43,620 --> 00:14:46,622
"The glass of fashion and the mold of form

224
00:14:46,706 --> 00:14:50,334
"The observed of all observers
quite, quite down!

225
00:14:50,627 --> 00:14:53,587
"And I, of ladies
most deject and wretched..."

226
00:14:59,594 --> 00:15:00,886
I'll be honest,

227
00:15:00,971 --> 00:15:05,057
there wasn't a whole lot
of crime-fighting in those first few weeks.

228
00:15:05,141 --> 00:15:08,310
But even so,
my new vocation kept me plenty busy.

229
00:15:13,608 --> 00:15:14,608
Shit.

230
00:15:14,693 --> 00:15:16,652
I called it preparation.

231
00:15:20,407 --> 00:15:24,535
But if you called it fantasizing,
it would have been hard to argue.

232
00:15:25,120 --> 00:15:28,622
All I knew was
I'd never felt so good about myself.

233
00:15:45,765 --> 00:15:46,849
Fuck!

234
00:15:47,934 --> 00:15:51,145
Okay, maybe I was still
in the beta-testing phase,

235
00:15:51,730 --> 00:15:53,480
but it was a start.

236
00:16:10,498 --> 00:16:12,124
What the fuck are you looking at?

237
00:16:13,126 --> 00:16:15,252
- Nothing.
- Get the fuck out of here.

238
00:16:20,508 --> 00:16:22,593
Like every serial killer already knew,

239
00:16:22,677 --> 00:16:26,305
eventually, fantasizing
just doesn't do it for you anymore.

240
00:16:26,806 --> 00:16:28,682
It was time to engage.

241
00:16:30,977 --> 00:16:32,019
Hurry up, man.

242
00:16:35,190 --> 00:16:36,690
What the fuck?

243
00:16:45,617 --> 00:16:47,326
What the fuck you looking at?

244
00:16:48,286 --> 00:16:50,996
I said, what the fuck are you looking at?

245
00:16:55,835 --> 00:16:58,295
Two cheap-shit losers screwing with a car

246
00:16:58,380 --> 00:17:01,840
that someone probably
worked their ass off to pay for.

247
00:17:02,342 --> 00:17:04,885
- Say what?
- Leave it be, man.

248
00:17:06,262 --> 00:17:08,806
This motherfucker is obviously high.

249
00:17:09,557 --> 00:17:10,974
I'm not high.

250
00:17:11,267 --> 00:17:13,894
I just think it sucks
you guys think you can do what you want.

251
00:17:15,355 --> 00:17:18,023
Just walk away from the car
and we can forget about this.

252
00:17:20,902 --> 00:17:22,611
You're crazy, man.

253
00:17:22,987 --> 00:17:24,530
Fuck this shit.

254
00:17:38,169 --> 00:17:40,838
- Shit!
- Let's get out of here!

255
00:18:22,172 --> 00:18:24,381
I came around for just long enough
to beg the medic

256
00:18:24,466 --> 00:18:27,050
not to tell anybody about the costume.

257
00:18:27,469 --> 00:18:29,470
He promised he wouldn't.

258
00:18:30,764 --> 00:18:33,515
All I knew was my dad was gonna kill me.

259
00:18:48,740 --> 00:18:51,408
Why can't I have a gun?
I'm a security guard.

260
00:18:51,493 --> 00:18:53,827
You're a doorman now.
You don't get a gun no more.

261
00:18:53,912 --> 00:18:55,245
Look at me. I look like a putz.

262
00:18:55,330 --> 00:18:59,416
You look sharp. Look at all them buttons.
Do your job. Open the fucking door.

263
00:19:02,337 --> 00:19:03,921
Have a nice day.

264
00:19:31,908 --> 00:19:34,618
- Good morning, Frank.
- Hey, Joe, how you doing?

265
00:19:34,702 --> 00:19:36,703
- Great.
- Want some coffee?

266
00:19:37,205 --> 00:19:39,081
Maybe later. Morning, Ange.

267
00:19:39,165 --> 00:19:40,207
- Good morning.
- Chris.

268
00:19:40,291 --> 00:19:41,959
Good morning, Joe.

269
00:19:42,669 --> 00:19:44,545
Frank, we got a thing.

270
00:19:46,297 --> 00:19:48,257
It's a big thing, Frank.

271
00:19:51,302 --> 00:19:52,427
Okay.

272
00:19:53,388 --> 00:19:54,555
Sorry, hon.

273
00:19:55,181 --> 00:19:56,390
Do what you got to do.

274
00:20:01,354 --> 00:20:02,855
Chris, where do you think you're going?

275
00:20:02,939 --> 00:20:05,190
- I got to talk to Dad.
- Christopher.

276
00:20:05,275 --> 00:20:06,733
Frank, honey!

277
00:20:09,237 --> 00:20:10,612
Where do you think you're going?

278
00:20:10,697 --> 00:20:13,490
I don't...
I don't mind you talking business, Dad.

279
00:20:13,575 --> 00:20:14,783
I was just gonna sit in there quietly.

280
00:20:14,868 --> 00:20:17,411
I mean, I should probably
start learning this stuff anyway, right?

281
00:20:17,495 --> 00:20:19,037
Hey, go finish your oatmeal.

282
00:20:19,122 --> 00:20:23,083
God damn it! I'm gonna be 18
in eight months, for Christ's sakes.

283
00:20:23,251 --> 00:20:24,418
Fuck.

284
00:20:26,296 --> 00:20:27,713
Take a seat.

285
00:20:30,758 --> 00:20:33,635
- So what's the problem?
- Our Russian says that Tre just sold him

286
00:20:33,720 --> 00:20:36,138
another five keys at half price.

287
00:20:36,598 --> 00:20:38,515
Which Tre? Tre Tre?

288
00:20:38,600 --> 00:20:40,267
Right. Dead Tre.

289
00:20:40,768 --> 00:20:42,603
So now I'm getting fucked
in the ass by a ghost?

290
00:20:42,937 --> 00:20:44,563
Or Tre was telling the truth.

291
00:20:45,106 --> 00:20:49,943
What, this is my choice,
I gotta believe in ghosts or superheroes?

292
00:20:50,320 --> 00:20:52,362
Well, not the part about
the superhero, Frankie,

293
00:20:52,447 --> 00:20:55,782
but just that he might have
really been gaffled by somebody.

294
00:20:59,829 --> 00:21:03,457
I think we'd better invite
our Russian over for a friendly chat,

295
00:21:05,501 --> 00:21:07,628
see what's really going on.

296
00:21:23,061 --> 00:21:24,311
Hey, early birdie.

297
00:21:25,063 --> 00:21:28,148
You beat me to it.
I wanted to get you breakfast this morning.

298
00:21:28,816 --> 00:21:30,817
Happy birthday, sweetheart.

299
00:21:32,487 --> 00:21:33,820
Check this out.

300
00:21:42,538 --> 00:21:44,581
Oh, thank you, thank you, thank you!

301
00:21:44,666 --> 00:21:46,083
Oh, my gosh.

302
00:21:46,501 --> 00:21:47,542
Dad.

303
00:21:50,755 --> 00:21:51,838
Wow.

304
00:21:52,173 --> 00:21:53,507
Watch, Dad.

305
00:21:53,883 --> 00:21:55,550
Okay, pop quiz.

306
00:21:55,635 --> 00:21:57,260
What's the proper name for one of those?

307
00:21:57,345 --> 00:21:59,846
Easy, balisong. It's Filipino.
Ask me another.

308
00:21:59,931 --> 00:22:01,098
Excellent, good.

309
00:22:01,182 --> 00:22:07,062
The AR-15 was a lighter,
smaller caliber version of what design?

310
00:22:07,522 --> 00:22:10,524
Eugene Stoner's AR-10.
Now give me a hard one.

311
00:22:10,858 --> 00:22:12,359
The name of

312
00:22:13,861 --> 00:22:17,030
John Woo's first full-length feature?

313
00:22:17,365 --> 00:22:19,616
Tie han rou qing, The Young Dragons.

314
00:22:19,993 --> 00:22:21,368
Daddy, look.

315
00:22:21,661 --> 00:22:24,079
Hey, come on, you're not looking.

316
00:22:26,249 --> 00:22:29,459
The point is,
some fucker is killing our guys.

317
00:22:29,961 --> 00:22:32,045
Until we find out who that is,
I don't wanna see

318
00:22:32,130 --> 00:22:34,798
any of you bitches sitting around
on your asses, all right?

319
00:22:34,882 --> 00:22:36,550
What the fuck do you...

320
00:22:36,968 --> 00:22:38,010
Hello?

321
00:22:38,594 --> 00:22:40,095
Hey, Joe, yeah.

322
00:22:40,346 --> 00:22:42,514
No, he's just training right now.

323
00:22:42,890 --> 00:22:43,890
One second.

324
00:22:44,600 --> 00:22:46,268
Dad, phone!

325
00:22:48,563 --> 00:22:50,439
- Dad, the phone's for you.
- Who is it?

326
00:22:50,732 --> 00:22:52,024
It's Joe.

327
00:22:56,362 --> 00:22:57,821
- What's the problem?
- Yeah, Frank,

328
00:22:57,905 --> 00:22:59,865
turns out we ain't got
the vise here no more.

329
00:22:59,949 --> 00:23:01,199
Really?

330
00:23:01,909 --> 00:23:04,327
But we do got
a brand-new industrial microwave.

331
00:23:04,412 --> 00:23:05,579
They use it for treating the lumber.

332
00:23:05,663 --> 00:23:07,372
Well, that is neat.

333
00:23:08,082 --> 00:23:09,833
I think you must be confusing me
with someone

334
00:23:09,917 --> 00:23:11,918
who gives a shit about the fucking lumber!

335
00:23:12,003 --> 00:23:14,296
Yeah, okay, all right, Frank.
All right, I'm sorry.

336
00:23:14,380 --> 00:23:15,839
- I'm sorry, okay?
...get the information.

337
00:23:15,923 --> 00:23:17,549
All right, okay!

338
00:23:18,926 --> 00:23:20,093
All right, come on. Go ahead.

339
00:23:20,344 --> 00:23:23,847
Hey, look, the guys tell me
he's Tre Fernandez. What do I know?

340
00:23:23,931 --> 00:23:25,682
- Shut up.
- Now you say Fernandez is dead.

341
00:23:25,767 --> 00:23:27,726
- Get inside. Shut up!
- Okay, no, he lied!

342
00:23:27,810 --> 00:23:30,228
- He lie about...
- Fucking mamaluke.

343
00:23:30,396 --> 00:23:31,605
He lied!

344
00:23:32,440 --> 00:23:34,274
Does this work like
a regular microwave or what?

345
00:23:34,734 --> 00:23:37,235
Fuck do I know? We're not making
a fucking Hungry-Man dinner here.

346
00:23:37,320 --> 00:23:38,945
Just turn it on.

347
00:23:41,908 --> 00:23:42,908
Here we go.

348
00:23:42,992 --> 00:23:45,744
Okay, I wanna know who sold you our coke.

349
00:23:46,245 --> 00:23:49,331
And don't tell me somebody
who's dead this time.

350
00:23:52,627 --> 00:23:55,670
Can he hear you?
I don't think he can hear you.

351
00:23:57,173 --> 00:24:00,717
I said, who really sold you our coke?

352
00:24:04,597 --> 00:24:05,764
Who

353
00:24:06,224 --> 00:24:08,266
sold you

354
00:24:08,976 --> 00:24:10,852
our coke?

355
00:24:13,940 --> 00:24:15,607
Shit. Shit.

356
00:24:20,780 --> 00:24:24,157
This is awesome!
I look like fricking Wolverine.

357
00:24:25,284 --> 00:24:27,911
They still have
that metal detector at your school?

358
00:24:27,995 --> 00:24:30,372
Yeah, it's gonna have a meltdown.

359
00:24:32,875 --> 00:24:35,293
Dave, I need to ask you something.

360
00:24:37,171 --> 00:24:38,296
Okay.

361
00:24:38,631 --> 00:24:40,257
The police report,

362
00:24:40,341 --> 00:24:41,591
they found you naked.

363
00:24:41,676 --> 00:24:44,094
You said you didn't remember why.

364
00:24:44,720 --> 00:24:46,847
The muggers, they didn't...

365
00:24:48,182 --> 00:24:49,266
What?

366
00:24:51,686 --> 00:24:53,395
No! Jesus.

367
00:24:53,896 --> 00:24:56,064
No, I... I wasn't even...

368
00:24:57,358 --> 00:24:59,359
In the ambulance,
they threw my clothes away

369
00:24:59,443 --> 00:25:01,570
- 'cause of the blood.
- Right.

370
00:25:01,821 --> 00:25:03,196
Okay, okay.

371
00:25:03,990 --> 00:25:05,782
Dad. Dad.

372
00:25:08,828 --> 00:25:11,580
Seemed like no time at all
before I was back on my feet.

373
00:25:11,664 --> 00:25:13,874
- Dave's what?
- Not now.

374
00:25:14,917 --> 00:25:16,960
Apart from some messed up nerve endings,

375
00:25:17,044 --> 00:25:20,130
the doctors had managed
to fix me up pretty good.

376
00:25:20,214 --> 00:25:21,798
- Did you feel that?
- No.

377
00:25:21,883 --> 00:25:25,177
You're like fucking Jason Bourne
or something, man. That owns.

378
00:25:25,261 --> 00:25:27,262
- How about that?
- No, Marty!

379
00:25:27,430 --> 00:25:29,264
Give it a fucking rest, man.

380
00:25:29,348 --> 00:25:30,682
I've only been back half a day,

381
00:25:30,766 --> 00:25:32,684
and you're already
making me miss the hospital.

382
00:25:32,768 --> 00:25:35,645
He's right. I'm sorry.
I'm acting totally childish.

383
00:25:35,730 --> 00:25:38,064
- Stop with the fork.
- I apologize.

384
00:25:49,285 --> 00:25:50,452
Hey.

385
00:25:52,914 --> 00:25:54,372
Dave, hey.

386
00:25:56,250 --> 00:25:57,417
Hey.

387
00:25:58,211 --> 00:26:00,337
How are you? You look better.

388
00:26:01,047 --> 00:26:04,049
I'm good. Yeah, much better.

389
00:26:04,133 --> 00:26:05,967
Hey, you're into comic books, aren't you?

390
00:26:06,886 --> 00:26:09,429
Well, me and Erika
sometimes hang out after school

391
00:26:09,513 --> 00:26:11,973
at this really great store Atomic Comics.

392
00:26:12,058 --> 00:26:14,851
They make the best
white chocolate mocha latte.

393
00:26:14,936 --> 00:26:16,061
Yeah?

394
00:26:17,939 --> 00:26:21,650
Well, I could buy you one sometime
if you, you know, like,

395
00:26:21,734 --> 00:26:23,693
need someone to talk to.

396
00:26:25,780 --> 00:26:27,447
Sure. Thank you.

397
00:26:27,531 --> 00:26:30,325
Okay, sweet. Well, I'll see you later.

398
00:26:34,247 --> 00:26:35,497
- Man, did you see that?
- Yeah.

399
00:26:35,581 --> 00:26:37,749
Katie Deauxma
just offered to buy me coffee.

400
00:26:37,833 --> 00:26:40,627
Yeah. You know,
I really don't think that's what it looks like.

401
00:26:40,711 --> 00:26:43,421
- What are you talking about?
- The point is,

402
00:26:43,506 --> 00:26:46,049
Katie Deauxma's all about the lame ducks.

403
00:26:46,133 --> 00:26:47,550
What's this got to do with me?

404
00:26:47,635 --> 00:26:50,136
I've been trying to figure out
how to tell you this.

405
00:26:51,264 --> 00:26:53,515
- There's a rumor going around...
- Right.

406
00:26:53,599 --> 00:26:55,100
...that you...
- What?

407
00:26:55,184 --> 00:26:57,060
...are gay.
- Gay?

408
00:26:57,186 --> 00:26:58,603
What kind of rumor is that?

409
00:26:58,688 --> 00:26:59,980
Well, you know, I mean, getting mugged...

410
00:27:00,064 --> 00:27:02,482
- You guys have been mugged!
- Yeah, I know, but,

411
00:27:02,566 --> 00:27:05,151
you know, we didn't get beat up
and have all our clothes taken off.

412
00:27:05,236 --> 00:27:08,113
That's not even true.
The medic threw my clothes away.

413
00:27:09,156 --> 00:27:11,408
You know, don't worry about it.
Rumors don't mean shit.

414
00:27:11,492 --> 00:27:13,410
- We know the truth. Yeah.
- Right?

415
00:27:13,494 --> 00:27:15,829
And who knows, buddy,
this might even get you laid.

416
00:27:15,913 --> 00:27:19,207
No, not if she thinks he's gay, Todd.
You fucking retard.

417
00:27:19,292 --> 00:27:21,084
Thanks, Marty,
this is really fucking helping me.

418
00:27:21,168 --> 00:27:22,252
I'm just being honest!

419
00:27:26,132 --> 00:27:28,383
I was getting back to my old self.

420
00:27:28,843 --> 00:27:32,971
I should have quit, of course,
but you can't just reprogram yourself.

421
00:27:33,681 --> 00:27:36,850
What you want, who you are,
your purpose in life.

422
00:27:37,226 --> 00:27:39,352
No, I'm just standing around, you know.

423
00:27:40,229 --> 00:27:41,730
No, I'm not!

424
00:27:41,814 --> 00:27:42,856
It is what it is.

425
00:27:42,940 --> 00:27:44,858
How about that, huh?

426
00:27:46,527 --> 00:27:49,321
Yeah. Didn't see that, did you?

427
00:27:49,405 --> 00:27:51,281
I think it's best that you just walk away.

428
00:27:51,365 --> 00:27:52,657
Well, maybe you shouldn't do that.

429
00:27:52,992 --> 00:27:55,869
What? Are you looking at me?
Well, this is my business.

430
00:28:07,882 --> 00:28:10,967
Me? My hardware was fixed now.

431
00:28:11,510 --> 00:28:14,888
I was back and running
Kick-Ass version 2.0.

432
00:28:24,607 --> 00:28:26,483
Excuse me, have you seen this cat?

433
00:28:26,567 --> 00:28:28,902
- No.
- No? Okay, thank you.

434
00:28:29,195 --> 00:28:31,946
Excuse me, ma'am. Have you seen this cat?

435
00:28:34,200 --> 00:28:36,576
I'm sorry. Did you see this cat?

436
00:28:37,328 --> 00:28:39,120
No? Okay.

437
00:29:00,101 --> 00:29:01,559
Oh, great.

438
00:29:02,937 --> 00:29:05,897
Here, kitty. Here, Mr. Bitey.

439
00:29:11,612 --> 00:29:13,196
Come on... No, no, no, no, no!

440
00:29:13,280 --> 00:29:15,031
No, no, no. Mr. Bitey, come on.

441
00:29:15,533 --> 00:29:18,118
Back here, come on.
Let's get you home. Come on.

442
00:29:31,090 --> 00:29:32,924
Fuck you, Mr. Bitey!

443
00:29:36,595 --> 00:29:39,764
- Oh, God, I'm so sorry, man.
- You fucking green...

444
00:29:41,475 --> 00:29:43,143
Get up. Get him up.

445
00:29:43,769 --> 00:29:45,895
- Get up.
- Thanks, freak.

446
00:29:48,691 --> 00:29:52,152
- Hey, leave him alone!
- Fuck off, man. It's none of your business!

447
00:29:55,114 --> 00:29:56,489
Yes, it is.

448
00:30:24,602 --> 00:30:26,352
Hey! Call 911!

449
00:30:31,859 --> 00:30:34,652
Hey, there's a dude
dressed like a superhero out there

450
00:30:34,737 --> 00:30:35,987
fighting a bunch of guys.

451
00:30:40,659 --> 00:30:41,910
It's fucking awesome!

452
00:31:10,064 --> 00:31:11,689
Leave him alone!

453
00:31:17,738 --> 00:31:20,073
Give it up, man. Just walk away.

454
00:31:21,367 --> 00:31:22,492
No. Never.

455
00:31:23,869 --> 00:31:25,453
What the fuck is wrong with you, man?

456
00:31:25,538 --> 00:31:29,582
You'd rather die for some piece of shit
that you don't even fucking know?

457
00:31:30,376 --> 00:31:31,793
And three assholes

458
00:31:31,877 --> 00:31:33,920
laying into one guy
while everybody else watches,

459
00:31:35,422 --> 00:31:37,590
and you want to know
what's wrong with me?

460
00:31:40,094 --> 00:31:42,220
Yeah, I'd rather die.

461
00:31:42,846 --> 00:31:44,472
So bring it on!

462
00:31:48,561 --> 00:31:49,686
You're fucking crazy, kid.

463
00:31:53,983 --> 00:31:54,983
Fuck.

464
00:31:56,777 --> 00:31:58,403
Thank you.

465
00:31:58,487 --> 00:31:59,529
What?

466
00:32:00,739 --> 00:32:01,781
Thank you.

467
00:32:05,077 --> 00:32:07,328
That fucking rocked. Who are you?

468
00:32:09,873 --> 00:32:11,416
I'm Kick-Ass.

469
00:32:15,963 --> 00:32:18,548
- Dude, you gotta check this shit out.
- What is it?

470
00:32:18,632 --> 00:32:21,801
...on the latest corruption scandal.
And coming up after the hour,

471
00:32:21,885 --> 00:32:25,346
a costumed vigilante
has become the latest Internet phenomenon

472
00:32:25,431 --> 00:32:28,891
after a Hamilton Park resident
filmed the man's remarkable intervention

473
00:32:28,976 --> 00:32:30,435
in a gang-related attack last week.

474
00:32:30,519 --> 00:32:32,312
- This is awesome.
- Fuck, yeah.

475
00:32:32,646 --> 00:32:35,189
Welcome to this special edition
of Eye on New York.

476
00:32:35,691 --> 00:32:38,234
How far would you go
to help your fellow man?

477
00:32:38,485 --> 00:32:41,738
This colorful individual
has been all over the news this week

478
00:32:41,822 --> 00:32:44,907
after a video of his intervention
of street-gang violence

479
00:32:44,992 --> 00:32:47,910
became the most-watched clip
on the Internet.

480
00:32:47,995 --> 00:32:51,372
Three assholes laying into one guy while...

481
00:32:51,457 --> 00:32:57,587
My MySpace, 38 friends.
Kick-Ass's MySpace, 16,000 and counting.

482
00:32:58,005 --> 00:33:01,507
This thing was going crazy,
and I was loving it.

483
00:33:01,592 --> 00:33:05,178
And finally,
we want to know who is this man?

484
00:33:05,262 --> 00:33:08,848
Does anyone have any idea
who this wetsuit crusader is?

485
00:33:09,224 --> 00:33:11,768
He must be someone's son,
someone's brother,

486
00:33:11,852 --> 00:33:13,770
- someone's next-door neighbor.
- Holy shit.

487
00:33:13,854 --> 00:33:15,438
- Have you seen him?
- What happened?

488
00:33:15,522 --> 00:33:17,982
What happened? This guy happened.

489
00:33:19,485 --> 00:33:21,527
It's a great day for America, everybody.

490
00:33:21,612 --> 00:33:25,615
Yeah, everybody's favorite superhero
right now, Kick-Ass, right?

491
00:33:25,699 --> 00:33:28,951
Kick-Ass! Yeah!

492
00:33:29,953 --> 00:33:34,082
I like Kick-Ass! His costume is crappy.

493
00:33:34,333 --> 00:33:35,917
He looks like a transvestite...

494
00:33:36,001 --> 00:33:39,128
You know what? Everyone likes Kick-Ass.

495
00:33:39,213 --> 00:33:41,506
Did you see the clip?
He was actually pretty good.

496
00:33:41,590 --> 00:33:44,217
Good at getting his ass kicked.

497
00:33:44,301 --> 00:33:47,762
He should call himselfAss-Kick instead.

498
00:33:47,846 --> 00:33:49,055
That doesn't even make sense.

499
00:33:49,139 --> 00:33:52,058
...transvestite that is Kick-Ass
will take you down, I say!

500
00:33:52,142 --> 00:33:53,976
That guy's gonna end up dead,
that's what I think.

501
00:33:54,061 --> 00:33:56,354
Are you serious? The guy owns.

502
00:33:56,438 --> 00:33:59,148
I'd e-mail his site
if I had a problem worth fixing.

503
00:33:59,233 --> 00:34:01,401
What? Are you kidding me?
I got 100 guys who can fix a problem,

504
00:34:01,485 --> 00:34:03,861
you'd hire some putz in pantyhose?

505
00:34:03,946 --> 00:34:07,240
Well, I wouldn't wanna get in the way
of your business, where I'm not wanted.

506
00:34:07,324 --> 00:34:09,826
Please, I know
you have mistaken me for Kick-Ass,

507
00:34:09,910 --> 00:34:11,869
but I am not Kick-Ass.

508
00:34:30,514 --> 00:34:33,516
- You don't actually read comics?
- Yeah, I just started.

509
00:34:33,600 --> 00:34:35,101
I got recommended some.

510
00:34:35,185 --> 00:34:38,229
Like Scott Pilgrim and Shojo Beat,
that kind of thing.

511
00:34:38,313 --> 00:34:41,190
I'm not really into
the whole superhero thing, though.

512
00:34:42,025 --> 00:34:45,570
So I guess you're not gonna line up
for that new Kick-Ass comic then?

513
00:34:45,654 --> 00:34:46,696
I guess not.

514
00:34:47,531 --> 00:34:50,032
But you know what?
I was seriously thinking of mailing his site.

515
00:34:50,117 --> 00:34:52,618
I mean, I could really use some help
from a guy like that right now.

516
00:34:52,870 --> 00:34:55,288
Help? Really? What with?

517
00:34:56,331 --> 00:34:58,166
You know I volunteer
at the needle exchange.

518
00:34:59,334 --> 00:35:00,460
No, I didn't.

519
00:35:00,544 --> 00:35:04,130
Well, there's this one guy Rasul,
and I felt so sorry for him.

520
00:35:04,214 --> 00:35:08,301
And the more I found out
about his upbringing and stuff, I just...

521
00:35:10,345 --> 00:35:14,140
Wow, that's weird.
I'm usually the one playing therapist.

522
00:35:16,852 --> 00:35:18,978
Can I make a confession?

523
00:35:19,646 --> 00:35:23,441
Ever since I was little,
I've always wanted a friend

524
00:35:24,151 --> 00:35:25,693
like you.

525
00:35:26,612 --> 00:35:28,196
- Is it okay to say that?
- Yeah.

526
00:35:28,280 --> 00:35:29,906
I mean, that's not homophobic, is it?

527
00:35:31,658 --> 00:35:34,494
I mean, I don't think
you're all the same or anything.

528
00:35:43,337 --> 00:35:47,089
- Of course not, no.
- Thank you.

529
00:35:52,054 --> 00:35:56,349
I don't know if I was everything Katie
had always dreamed her gay BFF would be,

530
00:35:56,433 --> 00:35:58,100
but I tried my best.

531
00:35:58,185 --> 00:36:01,813
But more importantly,
I talked her into mailing Kick-Ass.

532
00:36:02,856 --> 00:36:06,943
Long story short,
this particular lame duck of hers

533
00:36:07,027 --> 00:36:09,695
turned out to be more of a lame cobra.

534
00:36:10,239 --> 00:36:12,532
She didn't want the money back
that she'd given him

535
00:36:12,616 --> 00:36:15,868
or an apology for the black eye
he'd given her.

536
00:36:15,953 --> 00:36:18,079
She just wanted him
to get that they were through

537
00:36:18,163 --> 00:36:19,789
and leave her alone.

538
00:36:19,873 --> 00:36:24,210
And let's be real, no other request
could have given me more pleasure.

539
00:36:41,395 --> 00:36:44,897
Who the fuck are you supposed to be,
the Green Condom?

540
00:36:45,691 --> 00:36:48,651
You know it ain't Halloween
for another few months, kid?

541
00:36:48,735 --> 00:36:49,861
I'm here to see Rasul.

542
00:36:52,072 --> 00:36:53,906
Who the fuck are you?

543
00:36:53,991 --> 00:36:56,492
I'm... I'm a friend of Katie's.

544
00:37:02,583 --> 00:37:04,667
Kids nowadays in their tights.

545
00:37:19,099 --> 00:37:22,059
So, which one of you guys is Rasul?

546
00:37:29,026 --> 00:37:33,070
I'm Rasul. Can't you tell by my big titties?

547
00:37:36,658 --> 00:37:38,951
What is this? Trick or treat or something?

548
00:37:40,162 --> 00:37:42,204
Fuck! Now I'm dead.

549
00:37:43,624 --> 00:37:47,043
I have a message for Rasul
about Katie Deauxma.

550
00:37:50,422 --> 00:37:52,715
- Katie?
- You're Rasul?

551
00:37:53,425 --> 00:37:57,219
Okay. You gotta stay away from Katie now.
It's over.

552
00:37:57,596 --> 00:38:01,098
So if you just leave her alone,
everything will be fine.

553
00:38:01,808 --> 00:38:02,975
What?

554
00:38:04,186 --> 00:38:08,105
Yo, kid, who the hell are you?
And what is this?

555
00:38:09,107 --> 00:38:11,400
I'm Kick-Ass. Look me up.

556
00:38:11,902 --> 00:38:14,195
And this is me giving you a message.

557
00:38:14,279 --> 00:38:16,322
Leave Katie alone.

558
00:38:28,919 --> 00:38:30,169
Or what?

559
00:38:34,633 --> 00:38:36,968
Or I'll come back

560
00:38:38,512 --> 00:38:40,262
and break your fucking legs.

561
00:38:45,435 --> 00:38:46,978
I'm right here now, baby. What's up?

562
00:38:49,398 --> 00:38:50,690
Oh, fuck!

563
00:38:57,781 --> 00:38:59,031
Hold him.

564
00:39:05,872 --> 00:39:07,915
You are so fucking dead, man.

565
00:39:22,848 --> 00:39:26,517
Okay, you cunts,
let's see what you can do now.

566
00:39:27,352 --> 00:39:31,814
Eeny, meeny, miny, moe.

567
00:39:41,783 --> 00:39:42,908
Oh, shit!

568
00:39:52,586 --> 00:39:53,627
What the fuck?

569
00:40:21,406 --> 00:40:22,823
Hey, I got one of those.

570
00:40:40,884 --> 00:40:42,134
Come on.

571
00:40:42,928 --> 00:40:44,011
So you want to play.

572
00:41:00,946 --> 00:41:02,321
What the fuck?

573
00:41:05,534 --> 00:41:08,828
Dude, that is one gay-looking Taser.

574
00:41:11,790 --> 00:41:14,166
Relax, we're on the same team.

575
00:41:15,335 --> 00:41:17,253
- Hey, get up.
- No...

576
00:41:22,843 --> 00:41:26,387
Now, Hit Girl,
we always keep our backs where?

577
00:41:27,180 --> 00:41:28,973
To the wall, Daddy. I know.

578
00:41:30,100 --> 00:41:31,642
It won't happen again.

579
00:41:32,227 --> 00:41:34,687
- Nice shot, by the way.
- Thank you.

580
00:41:52,581 --> 00:41:53,873
Let's go.

581
00:41:55,250 --> 00:41:58,502
Hey, hey, asshole.
Can't use the front door now.

582
00:42:13,226 --> 00:42:14,852
Wait, wait, wait!

583
00:42:15,729 --> 00:42:16,896
What?

584
00:42:17,939 --> 00:42:19,023
Who are you?

585
00:42:19,399 --> 00:42:20,566
Me?

586
00:42:21,484 --> 00:42:22,985
I'm Hit Girl.

587
00:42:24,571 --> 00:42:26,572
And that's Big Daddy.

588
00:42:33,330 --> 00:42:34,580
Come on.

589
00:42:39,461 --> 00:42:40,502
Come on!

590
00:43:17,374 --> 00:43:20,793
Hit Girl and Big Daddy,
they were the real deal.

591
00:43:23,463 --> 00:43:24,672
Me?

592
00:43:25,298 --> 00:43:28,050
I was just a stupid dick in a wetsuit.

593
00:43:43,650 --> 00:43:45,276
What is this? What am I looking at here?

594
00:43:46,069 --> 00:43:49,405
It was Sal's phone.
They found it in his hand.

595
00:43:49,489 --> 00:43:51,573
He must have taken that
right before he died.

596
00:43:52,075 --> 00:43:56,245
I know this sounds fucked up, Frankie,
but that guy in the picture,

597
00:43:56,746 --> 00:43:59,832
I think it's that superhero nutjob
from the TV.

598
00:44:00,125 --> 00:44:01,166
Who?

599
00:44:02,127 --> 00:44:03,335
Kick-Ass?

600
00:44:04,045 --> 00:44:05,296
One guy?

601
00:44:06,172 --> 00:44:08,966
Hold on, you're telling me
one guy killed eight of my men tonight?

602
00:44:13,847 --> 00:44:17,599
Eight at Sal's place, four at that kid Rasul's.

603
00:44:19,311 --> 00:44:21,395
We have no merchandise
on the street at all?

604
00:44:21,479 --> 00:44:22,646
Right.

605
00:44:25,358 --> 00:44:27,484
- One guy?
- I think.

606
00:44:28,194 --> 00:44:31,864
Man, if you're right, we're gonna look like
the biggest bunch of pussies in New York.

607
00:44:32,532 --> 00:44:33,866
What do you want me to do?

608
00:44:35,035 --> 00:44:39,705
I want Kick-Ass's fucking head
on a stick, and I want it now.

609
00:44:49,549 --> 00:44:51,550
I didn't say anything to anyone, I swear.

610
00:44:51,885 --> 00:44:55,554
Good move, Ass-Kick.
Let's keep it that way.

611
00:44:57,182 --> 00:44:58,390
You know what this is?

612
00:44:59,517 --> 00:45:03,062
It's all the cartridge crap that comes out
of your gay little Taser when you fire it.

613
00:45:03,396 --> 00:45:06,857
You do know the police could have traced
this right back to you if they'd found it?

614
00:45:06,941 --> 00:45:09,610
But lucky for you, I picked it up.

615
00:45:11,279 --> 00:45:12,279
Thank you.

616
00:45:13,365 --> 00:45:17,284
Let's call it insurance.
Makes it easier for us to take your word.

617
00:45:17,494 --> 00:45:20,537
See, we like you, but we don't trust you.

618
00:45:21,915 --> 00:45:24,541
Don't take it personal, though.
We don't trust anybody.

619
00:45:24,626 --> 00:45:30,672
I rerouted your IP address.
Finding you was way too easy.

620
00:45:31,591 --> 00:45:34,676
Shit. Shit, I hadn't thought...

621
00:45:34,969 --> 00:45:37,638
My God, I... I owe you.

622
00:45:38,264 --> 00:45:41,558
You know what? I'm thinking of
just shutting my site down anyway.

623
00:45:41,643 --> 00:45:43,977
Quitting. I mean, this is...

624
00:45:44,229 --> 00:45:47,940
It's fucking insane. I'm in way over my head.

625
00:45:48,233 --> 00:45:50,526
It's a shame. You have potential.

626
00:45:50,610 --> 00:45:53,570
Your call,
but you know we're around if you need us.

627
00:45:55,115 --> 00:45:56,949
How do I get a hold of you?

628
00:45:57,033 --> 00:46:01,286
You just contact the mayor's office.
He has a special signal he shines in the sky.

629
00:46:01,371 --> 00:46:02,955
It's in the shape of a giant cock.

630
00:46:04,290 --> 00:46:06,708
You need us, put on your website
that you're on vacation.

631
00:46:06,793 --> 00:46:09,962
We'll find you.
Hit Girl, back to headquarters.

632
00:46:11,631 --> 00:46:13,090
Sweet dreams.

633
00:46:19,055 --> 00:46:20,722
I need you to get rid of Kick-Ass.

634
00:46:20,807 --> 00:46:23,517
- Yo. Whoa, whoa, whoa. What's up?
- What's up?

635
00:46:23,977 --> 00:46:27,604
Kick-Ass is killing my men, Gigante,
that's what's up.

636
00:46:27,689 --> 00:46:29,356
My condolences, Frank.

637
00:46:29,566 --> 00:46:32,860
But I'm afraid
I can't help you out on this one.

638
00:46:32,944 --> 00:46:34,820
Little bit outside my jurisdiction.

639
00:46:35,196 --> 00:46:36,655
Outside your jurisdiction?

640
00:46:36,990 --> 00:46:38,949
You're a fucking cop,
and he's breaking the law.

641
00:46:39,033 --> 00:46:42,327
That's so inside your jurisdiction,
it's ball-deep in your jurisdiction's ass.

642
00:46:42,787 --> 00:46:46,457
Listen, cops pay me to nail the bad guys,
you pay me not to.

643
00:46:47,041 --> 00:46:48,584
Everything else is in the gray area.

644
00:46:48,668 --> 00:46:51,086
Yeah. Fuck you very much, Vic.
Just do it, okay?

645
00:46:53,131 --> 00:46:54,965
Un-fucking-believable.

646
00:46:56,176 --> 00:46:58,343
Where's Cody? He's late.

647
00:46:58,887 --> 00:47:03,015
Thank you, Cody.
We appreciate your co-operation.

648
00:47:03,391 --> 00:47:06,977
Let me out now?
I gave you all them names and addresses.

649
00:47:08,021 --> 00:47:09,438
Hey, I won't say nothing to nobody.

650
00:47:09,522 --> 00:47:12,024
You and your crazy midget friend
can go bash whoever you want...

651
00:47:12,108 --> 00:47:14,776
Hey, come on.
Hey, I know some very bad people uptown,

652
00:47:14,861 --> 00:47:17,946
really nasty individuals.
Let me go. Hey, come on!

653
00:47:18,448 --> 00:47:20,449
Hey, don't do this!
You don't need to do this!

654
00:47:20,533 --> 00:47:22,576
Come on. Oh, shit... Please!

655
00:47:22,660 --> 00:47:25,329
Hey! God! No, please, please!

656
00:47:25,538 --> 00:47:26,830
Come on, no, no!

657
00:47:46,643 --> 00:47:48,143
What a douche.

658
00:48:01,783 --> 00:48:04,451
You have done self tan before, right?

659
00:48:04,869 --> 00:48:07,204
Yeah, like, I do it all the time.

660
00:48:08,122 --> 00:48:11,500
Murder, superheroes
breaking into my bedroom,

661
00:48:11,584 --> 00:48:14,586
my life had turned into some
fucked-up dream I couldn't wake up from.

662
00:48:16,381 --> 00:48:19,258
Even the good parts were totally surreal.

663
00:48:19,676 --> 00:48:22,261
Hey, I read those old
Ditko Spider-Mans you gave me.

664
00:48:22,345 --> 00:48:24,721
They're actually pretty good.

665
00:48:24,806 --> 00:48:25,847
Yeah, they are.

666
00:48:27,850 --> 00:48:31,311
And it's been a whole week
since I've heard from Rasul.

667
00:48:33,773 --> 00:48:35,274
That's great.

668
00:49:30,496 --> 00:49:35,250
Once upon a time, there were
two supercops, called Daddy and Marcus,

669
00:49:35,877 --> 00:49:39,212
who were very good at getting bad guys.

670
00:49:39,714 --> 00:49:42,466
Frank D'Amico
was the baddest guy of them all,

671
00:49:42,550 --> 00:49:45,552
and he came up with a plan
to get rid of Daddy.

672
00:49:49,599 --> 00:49:52,684
Being framed as a drug dealer
was the worst possible thing

673
00:49:52,769 --> 00:49:55,187
that could have happened to Daddy.

674
00:49:57,023 --> 00:50:00,651
Prison was not his natural habitat.

675
00:50:00,735 --> 00:50:02,444
He was very upset.

676
00:50:06,074 --> 00:50:09,618
With Daddy in prison,
his pregnant wife was all alone

677
00:50:11,371 --> 00:50:13,080
and could not cope.

678
00:50:15,750 --> 00:50:20,003
But all clouds have a silver lining,
and out of her death,

679
00:50:23,675 --> 00:50:25,384
Mindy was born!

680
00:50:25,968 --> 00:50:28,804
Marcus became the child's guardian,

681
00:50:28,888 --> 00:50:31,807
and Daddy started a plan of his very own.

682
00:50:33,810 --> 00:50:37,979
Five years later, he left prison,
and he was ready.

683
00:50:41,901 --> 00:50:45,362
Now, it was time for Mindy to get ready, too.

684
00:50:53,204 --> 00:50:55,122
How'd you find me, Marcus?

685
00:50:55,748 --> 00:50:58,375
One of us is still a cop, remember?

686
00:51:06,968 --> 00:51:08,802
Is this how you brainwashed Mindy?

687
00:51:08,886 --> 00:51:11,346
You say brainwashed.
I say made it into a game.

688
00:51:11,681 --> 00:51:13,515
You call this playing, Damon?

689
00:51:13,725 --> 00:51:16,727
Vigilante justice, mass murder.
Come on, partner.

690
00:51:19,105 --> 00:51:20,605
So where is she?

691
00:51:21,149 --> 00:51:22,816
- She's safe.
- Can I see her?

692
00:51:24,694 --> 00:51:26,069
I miss her.

693
00:51:27,822 --> 00:51:29,448
I miss you both.

694
00:51:30,199 --> 00:51:33,744
I appreciate your concern.
But you need to go now.

695
00:51:40,126 --> 00:51:43,462
I should warn you, that asshole Gigante
is looking for Kick-Ass.

696
00:51:43,629 --> 00:51:45,547
He got something to do with you, Damon?

697
00:51:45,631 --> 00:51:48,800
You started some kind of
fucked-up superhero club?

698
00:51:49,135 --> 00:51:52,471
- Never heard of him.
- Okay, well, heads up, all right?

699
00:51:52,805 --> 00:51:54,598
You keep carrying on
like you've been carrying on,

700
00:51:54,682 --> 00:51:57,809
it's only a matter of time
before Gigante is looking for you.

701
00:51:57,894 --> 00:52:01,480
He's been on Frank D'Amico's payroll
ever since you passed up the opportunity.

702
00:52:02,565 --> 00:52:04,900
You know I'm not gonna stop.

703
00:52:05,860 --> 00:52:09,321
Not until D'Amico
and his whole damn operation

704
00:52:09,864 --> 00:52:13,283
are burnt to ashes and buried.

705
00:52:14,994 --> 00:52:16,912
It ain't gonna bring her back, Damon.

706
00:52:18,206 --> 00:52:20,582
This is not the life for Mindy.

707
00:52:23,503 --> 00:52:25,587
You owe that kid a childhood.

708
00:52:26,672 --> 00:52:28,423
I'll tell you who owes her a childhood!

709
00:52:29,383 --> 00:52:31,051
Frank D'Amico!

710
00:52:50,154 --> 00:52:51,696
Holy shit.

711
00:52:54,200 --> 00:52:56,618
I don't fucking believe it.

712
00:52:59,956 --> 00:53:01,581
Follow him, around the corner.

713
00:53:02,583 --> 00:53:04,042
Not too fast.

714
00:53:07,213 --> 00:53:08,922
What's with the high-fives?

715
00:53:09,549 --> 00:53:12,259
I'll give you a motherfucking high-five.

716
00:53:12,844 --> 00:53:15,887
High-fiving bullshit.
Keep going, keep going.

717
00:53:16,973 --> 00:53:18,473
Not too close.

718
00:53:23,020 --> 00:53:27,232
He's going in the alley.

719
00:53:27,733 --> 00:53:31,528
Okay, when I tell you, stop the car. Ready?

720
00:53:35,324 --> 00:53:37,242
Hey, Kick-Ass.

721
00:53:38,077 --> 00:53:39,578
How you doing?

722
00:53:41,497 --> 00:53:42,873
Kill my men, huh?

723
00:53:43,207 --> 00:53:45,083
Take my fucking coke?

724
00:53:45,167 --> 00:53:47,168
Whoa! Whoa! Boss, what are you doing?

725
00:53:47,253 --> 00:53:49,296
- Boss, we gotta go, man. Come on, let's go.
- Fucking scumbag!

726
00:53:49,380 --> 00:53:51,590
Frank, Frank, Frank, come on,
he's had enough. Come on.

727
00:53:51,674 --> 00:53:53,633
He's had enough. Come on.

728
00:53:54,176 --> 00:53:56,428
What the fuck are you looking at?

729
00:53:58,639 --> 00:53:59,806
Frank.

730
00:54:09,483 --> 00:54:11,818
Come on, come on,
come on, come on, let's go. We gotta go.

731
00:54:12,904 --> 00:54:15,447
Shit. Come on, come on, get in.

732
00:54:22,330 --> 00:54:25,707
He was so young.
No one should have to die that way.

733
00:54:25,791 --> 00:54:29,044
I mean, I just can't believe he's dead,
that's all.

734
00:54:30,796 --> 00:54:33,465
I know. But, Katie,

735
00:54:34,592 --> 00:54:38,136
guys like Rasul, they get mixed up in stuff...

736
00:54:38,596 --> 00:54:41,932
No, I know, I know.
But what if it was my fault?

737
00:54:42,016 --> 00:54:43,058
What if Kick-Ass did it?

738
00:54:43,142 --> 00:54:45,101
I mean, I feel like
I should call the cops or something.

739
00:54:45,186 --> 00:54:46,978
What? You're talking crazy.

740
00:54:47,521 --> 00:54:50,190
There's no way. He probably
didn't even read your e-mail yet.

741
00:54:50,524 --> 00:54:52,567
- Yeah.
- You've got nothing to worry about.

742
00:54:54,445 --> 00:54:56,154
I'm so glad you're here.

743
00:54:56,781 --> 00:54:57,948
I was such a mess.

744
00:54:58,658 --> 00:55:00,033
That's okay.

745
00:55:00,117 --> 00:55:03,370
- No problem.
- You're the best.

746
00:55:05,373 --> 00:55:09,834
I hope it's okay to say this, but...
It so sucks that you're gay.

747
00:55:13,756 --> 00:55:16,007
I don't fucking believe this.

748
00:55:18,302 --> 00:55:22,263
What kind of
children's enter-fucking-tainer is that?

749
00:55:23,516 --> 00:55:28,728
What kind of kid has a... A Spider-Man
party, sure, but a fucking Kick-Ass party?

750
00:55:28,813 --> 00:55:31,523
What, are they selling paper plates
and napkins down at the store now?

751
00:55:31,607 --> 00:55:34,025
Frank, you're scaring me. You're losing it.

752
00:55:34,360 --> 00:55:37,320
Since when did you start getting
your hands dirty again? And in public!

753
00:55:37,405 --> 00:55:39,781
Since when I ask you fucks
to deliver me Kick-Ass,

754
00:55:39,865 --> 00:55:43,243
- and you don't deliver, that's when.
- Give me a break. It's been a week.

755
00:55:43,327 --> 00:55:46,705
We e-mailed him. We got half the crew out
doing petty crimes as bait.

756
00:55:46,914 --> 00:55:48,456
We're busting our asses here.

757
00:55:49,542 --> 00:55:51,626
What the hell are you doing?

758
00:55:51,711 --> 00:55:53,461
You're back on the powder now, as well?

759
00:55:53,546 --> 00:55:57,549
"Mommy, I want a Kick-Ass party."
Dumb little fucks.

760
00:55:58,718 --> 00:56:01,428
- I know a way you can get him.
- Shit.

761
00:56:01,512 --> 00:56:03,096
Chris, how long you been there?

762
00:56:03,180 --> 00:56:04,556
What the hell are you doing?
Get the hell out.

763
00:56:04,640 --> 00:56:05,974
Do you want to hear it or not?

764
00:56:06,767 --> 00:56:09,269
- Hear what?
- Okay, look,

765
00:56:09,353 --> 00:56:12,313
you're a superhero and you're lonely,
but you can't trust anyone

766
00:56:12,398 --> 00:56:14,065
'cause either
they'll expose your secret identity...

767
00:56:14,150 --> 00:56:16,401
Comic books this kid reads
all fucking day long.

768
00:56:16,485 --> 00:56:20,321
The point is there's only one way
a superhero can trust a stranger.

769
00:56:20,406 --> 00:56:23,742
And I can be that stranger.
You just gotta give me a chance.

770
00:56:23,826 --> 00:56:26,119
I know I can do it. I just need a few things.

771
00:56:27,997 --> 00:56:29,039
Like what?

772
00:56:31,042 --> 00:56:33,001
I need these things.

773
00:56:37,089 --> 00:56:38,923
What, are you fucking kidding me?
What the hell is this?

774
00:56:39,008 --> 00:56:40,842
It's everything I need.

775
00:56:40,926 --> 00:56:43,219
And you might have to screw
someone over, like Louie, or something.

776
00:56:43,304 --> 00:56:46,347
- Louie? Hey, Chris.
- Or somebody. It doesn't have to be Louie.

777
00:56:47,224 --> 00:56:48,600
- Tony!
- Tony.

778
00:56:49,435 --> 00:56:50,935
- Tony?
- I hate Tony.

779
00:56:51,020 --> 00:56:52,604
Yeah, fuck Tony. He's a scumbag.

780
00:56:52,813 --> 00:56:56,191
I swear, Dad, if you let me do this,
it's gonna work.

781
00:57:00,946 --> 00:57:02,030
Tony.

782
00:57:02,448 --> 00:57:05,700
Tony Romita, one of America's
most-wanted crime kingpins,

783
00:57:05,785 --> 00:57:07,535
was arrested in Queens today

784
00:57:07,620 --> 00:57:10,538
after a 911 call from someone
claiming to be a superhero...

785
00:57:10,623 --> 00:57:13,124
So, how are things going with Katie?

786
00:57:14,585 --> 00:57:15,627
Just peachy.

787
00:57:16,128 --> 00:57:17,712
We had a sleepover
and spent the whole night

788
00:57:17,797 --> 00:57:21,132
watching the entire Ugly Betty box set
and did pedicures.

789
00:57:21,717 --> 00:57:24,636
I'm telling you, the longer you wait,
the worse it's gonna get.

790
00:57:24,970 --> 00:57:28,681
I know. I was gonna tell her.
It's just, she seems so happy.

791
00:57:28,766 --> 00:57:30,975
- I don't know when's the right time.
- Now's your chance.

792
00:57:32,436 --> 00:57:34,771
- She didn't see that, did she?
- Hey, guys.

793
00:57:35,523 --> 00:57:37,273
- Hi!
- Hi, sweetie.

794
00:57:37,983 --> 00:57:40,401
Did you watch the TV?
The new superhero guy?

795
00:57:40,486 --> 00:57:42,320
- How cool is that?
- What?

796
00:57:42,488 --> 00:57:44,989
- Hey, look.
- Could you turn it up, please?

797
00:57:45,074 --> 00:57:46,491
- Check this out.
...dressed as Kick-Ass.

798
00:57:46,575 --> 00:57:51,454
But it seems that far from being put off,
this individual, who calls himself Red Mist,

799
00:57:51,539 --> 00:57:53,706
has decided to take
crime-fighting to a new level,

800
00:57:53,791 --> 00:57:57,001
as his actions last night proved.
Red Mist, how do you see it?

801
00:57:57,086 --> 00:57:59,587
Well, I guess folks have just
had enough of living in fear, you know,

802
00:57:59,672 --> 00:58:02,674
and Kick-Ass really proved that
one individual can make a difference.

803
00:58:02,758 --> 00:58:06,594
So if anyone out there needs help,
I'll be fighting crime 25/8.

804
00:58:06,679 --> 00:58:09,597
And I'm just one click away. Redmist. Org.

805
00:58:11,183 --> 00:58:14,769
Can we turn that off now?
What's so special about that guy?

806
00:58:14,854 --> 00:58:17,605
He caught, like, a drug dealer,
some most-wanted guy.

807
00:58:17,940 --> 00:58:19,649
You saw him bringing out
like a ton of stuff.

808
00:58:19,733 --> 00:58:21,276
That's pretty cool.

809
00:58:21,652 --> 00:58:23,987
He's got a way better costume
than Kick-Ass, too.

810
00:58:24,071 --> 00:58:25,530
- He's got a cape.
- Yeah.

811
00:58:25,614 --> 00:58:27,866
- Capes rock.
- Yeah, I'm kind of feeling the cape.

812
00:58:27,950 --> 00:58:29,659
He looks good.

813
00:58:30,369 --> 00:58:32,954
What, better than Kick-Ass?

814
00:58:33,038 --> 00:58:35,915
I mean, they're both kind of hot.
I just think Red Mist has a better body.

815
00:58:36,375 --> 00:58:37,959
Don't you think, Dave?

816
00:58:39,461 --> 00:58:41,129
Yeah, Dave, what do you think?

817
00:58:41,881 --> 00:58:44,549
Is he the kind of guy you'd go for,
with all that leather?

818
00:58:45,801 --> 00:58:49,012
No, Marty. No, he's not really my type.

819
00:59:43,192 --> 00:59:44,442
Kick-Ass!

820
00:59:45,569 --> 00:59:46,611
Red Mist.

821
00:59:48,113 --> 00:59:50,156
Shit! Fuck me, that kind of hurt.

822
00:59:51,450 --> 00:59:54,035
- Are you okay?
- Yeah, no, I'm cool.

823
00:59:54,203 --> 00:59:57,330
I can't believe you're here, man.
Like, you're my hero.

824
00:59:57,998 --> 01:00:00,750
You inspired me. No Kick-Ass, no Red Mist.

825
01:00:00,960 --> 01:00:02,794
- Seriously.
- Wow.

826
01:00:03,337 --> 01:00:06,881
- Hey, really?
- Straight up. And listen, if you...

827
01:00:06,966 --> 01:00:09,759
I don't know, if you wanted me
to be your sidekick or something...

828
01:00:10,636 --> 01:00:11,928
You wanna be my sidekick?

829
01:00:12,221 --> 01:00:15,640
Yeah, man!
You and me together, we would own!

830
01:00:16,267 --> 01:00:18,142
You wanna go fight some crime?

831
01:00:18,560 --> 01:00:19,978
What you mean, like, right now?

832
01:00:20,562 --> 01:00:23,731
Yeah, man, come on.
I got something I wanna show you.

833
01:00:24,316 --> 01:00:25,733
I mean, like, to be honest with you,

834
01:00:25,818 --> 01:00:28,611
I only ever fight crime
between like 9:00 and 2:00, weekdays.

835
01:00:28,696 --> 01:00:31,572
So I'm gonna need to get back pretty soon.

836
01:00:35,160 --> 01:00:36,494
Sweet!

837
01:00:38,998 --> 01:00:41,708
- Is that yours?
- Meet the Mist Mobile.

838
01:00:51,135 --> 01:00:53,845
SatNav. Got my iPhone,
so I can check the websites

839
01:00:53,929 --> 01:00:56,306
for emergencies when I'm driving around.

840
01:00:56,390 --> 01:00:59,267
Got a little bit of mood lighting right there.

841
01:00:59,351 --> 01:01:01,561
Rearview camera, no big deal.

842
01:01:01,645 --> 01:01:03,980
Check this, you're gonna fucking love this.

843
01:01:08,193 --> 01:01:09,694
The mist.

844
01:01:13,157 --> 01:01:14,365
Hey.

845
01:01:14,491 --> 01:01:16,326
That's right, we're superheroes.
You love us.

846
01:01:21,790 --> 01:01:24,167
- Smoke?
- No.

847
01:01:24,251 --> 01:01:27,086
I feel a little weed takes the edge off things
when I'm on patrol, you know?

848
01:01:27,171 --> 01:01:31,174
Going up against a crowd
can get kind of scary, don't you think?

849
01:01:32,718 --> 01:01:33,885
Something wrong?

850
01:01:35,387 --> 01:01:38,723
Yeah. You're so not how I expected.

851
01:01:44,855 --> 01:01:46,606
I got this e-mail from this chick.

852
01:01:46,690 --> 01:01:49,400
She said this guy's
been following her home from work.

853
01:01:49,985 --> 01:01:53,071
I got her address and stuff.
You wanna check it out?

854
01:01:53,155 --> 01:01:55,365
- Sure, why not?
- Cool.

855
01:02:02,915 --> 01:02:04,916
So we're sitting there totally naked, right?

856
01:02:05,084 --> 01:02:09,670
I told her, "Sit on my lap, we'll talk about
the first thing that comes up."

857
01:02:18,138 --> 01:02:20,890
- Yeah?
- Just got the text. He's on his way.

858
01:02:21,266 --> 01:02:22,767
He did very good.

859
01:02:23,435 --> 01:02:26,104
- Don't kill him till I get there.
- Right.

860
01:02:31,819 --> 01:02:34,654
Looks like reading all them comics
paid off, huh?

861
01:02:34,947 --> 01:02:37,198
Your boy did good, Frankie.

862
01:02:39,284 --> 01:02:40,993
He's his father's son.

863
01:02:52,548 --> 01:02:53,923
I forgot.

864
01:03:25,372 --> 01:03:26,914
What the fuck?

865
01:03:31,044 --> 01:03:32,587
Shit.

866
01:03:34,006 --> 01:03:36,674
- Hey, what are you doing?
- There are people in there.

867
01:03:36,842 --> 01:03:39,177
Yeah. Shouldn't we call the fire...

868
01:03:41,013 --> 01:03:42,096
Shit!

869
01:04:00,699 --> 01:04:01,699
Mikey.

870
01:04:03,368 --> 01:04:04,619
Fuck.

871
01:04:05,662 --> 01:04:07,830
- Shit. Fuck.
- Red Mist!

872
01:04:09,750 --> 01:04:12,293
Red Mist! Red Mist!

873
01:04:19,259 --> 01:04:21,886
Hey. Hey, man, can you hear me? Hey.

874
01:04:25,891 --> 01:04:27,391
Jesus Christ!

875
01:04:34,733 --> 01:04:37,818
Red Mist! Red Mist!

876
01:04:38,529 --> 01:04:40,404
Where the fuck are you?

877
01:05:15,023 --> 01:05:18,943
We gotta get the hell out of here.
Dude, move your fucking ass!

878
01:05:37,504 --> 01:05:39,463
Holy shit!

879
01:05:39,923 --> 01:05:42,633
- Did you see those bodies?
- Yeah, man.

880
01:05:45,554 --> 01:05:48,222
- Why'd you save the teddy?
- What?

881
01:05:48,890 --> 01:05:51,017
I don't know, man. Come on.

882
01:06:04,114 --> 01:06:05,281
Come.

883
01:06:05,907 --> 01:06:07,533
What the hell are you doing, Frank?

884
01:06:07,618 --> 01:06:09,577
You know I can't be here.
What if somebody saw...

885
01:06:09,661 --> 01:06:11,912
That motherfucker Kick-Ass
burnt down my warehouse

886
01:06:11,997 --> 01:06:13,748
and killed my men, Gigante.

887
01:06:13,832 --> 01:06:15,750
Wait, wait, wait. Slow down. Kick-Ass?

888
01:06:16,209 --> 01:06:17,835
- Are you sure?
- You gotta help me, Vic.

889
01:06:18,337 --> 01:06:21,172
My son was there, and he's still missing.

890
01:06:21,340 --> 01:06:25,343
They're all dead!
Everybody in the warehouse is dead.

891
01:06:26,720 --> 01:06:29,055
Put the gun down, Vic. It's Chris.

892
01:06:29,848 --> 01:06:31,307
Chris is Red Mist?

893
01:06:31,391 --> 01:06:33,601
It's not Red Mist you gotta worry about.
It's Kick-Ass.

894
01:06:33,685 --> 01:06:36,520
No, no, no, it's not.
Kick-Ass is just some geek, Dad.

895
01:06:36,605 --> 01:06:40,274
You don't have to worry about him.
You need to watch this.

896
01:06:41,860 --> 01:06:44,362
- Why, what does it do?
- Are you fucking kidding me?

897
01:06:44,446 --> 01:06:47,073
- What?
- God damn it, just sit down.

898
01:06:52,245 --> 01:06:54,121
What are you doing?
What the hell is that thing?

899
01:06:54,206 --> 01:06:57,083
You bought this to spy on the nanny
when I was a kid. Don't you remember?

900
01:06:58,043 --> 01:07:00,461
- What, and you put it in the warehouse?
- Yeah, I thought it'd be cool

901
01:07:00,545 --> 01:07:03,506
to put the unmasking of Kick-Ass
on the Internet, okay?

902
01:07:03,799 --> 01:07:05,049
Watch.

903
01:07:09,096 --> 01:07:13,724
I told her, "Sit on my lap, we'll talk about
the first thing that comes up."

904
01:07:16,395 --> 01:07:19,188
- Yeah?
- Just got the text. He's on his way.

905
01:07:19,731 --> 01:07:21,107
He did very good.

906
01:07:21,191 --> 01:07:23,150
- Don't kill him till I get there.
- Right.

907
01:08:38,477 --> 01:08:39,894
Who the hell is this guy?

908
01:08:40,687 --> 01:08:42,188
I don't know, Dad.

909
01:08:42,981 --> 01:08:45,733
But Kick-Ass told me
we're not the only superheroes in town.

910
01:08:45,817 --> 01:08:47,651
Maybe he knows who this guy is.

911
01:08:49,571 --> 01:08:51,822
I want this place locked down.

912
01:08:52,449 --> 01:08:54,992
Nobody comes in, nobody goes out.

913
01:08:56,661 --> 01:08:58,579
Not until somebody finds this cocksucker

914
01:08:58,663 --> 01:09:01,749
and pulls his fucking lungs out
through his ass.

915
01:09:05,003 --> 01:09:07,505
Listen, they're on to you.

916
01:09:07,589 --> 01:09:09,965
Do you hear me? They're on to you.

917
01:09:10,050 --> 01:09:12,676
I thought they were looking for Kick-Ass.

918
01:09:12,761 --> 01:09:16,388
Not anymore. Gigante just put on
a little movie-show for us.

919
01:09:16,473 --> 01:09:21,060
Different superhero in a warehouse,
killing a whole bunch of D'Amico's guys.

920
01:09:21,394 --> 01:09:23,229
I'm gonna take a wild guess that was you.

921
01:09:24,314 --> 01:09:26,816
- I killed all the cameras.
- Apparently not.

922
01:09:26,900 --> 01:09:29,944
Look, bro, you need to get ghost.
Hide yourself quick.

923
01:09:30,737 --> 01:09:31,862
Appreciate it.

924
01:09:36,243 --> 01:09:37,409
Mindy,

925
01:09:38,328 --> 01:09:39,787
no more homework, baby doll.

926
01:09:41,039 --> 01:09:43,541
It's time for Frank D'Amico to go bye-bye.

927
01:09:51,550 --> 01:09:56,637
X-Men, the Fantastic Four,
right now, I envy the crap out of them.

928
01:09:57,681 --> 01:10:01,934
Everything was out of control.
I didn't know what the hell to do.

929
01:10:02,143 --> 01:10:06,355
You okay, buddy? You look tired.
Early night tonight, maybe?

930
01:10:06,439 --> 01:10:08,315
And there was no one
I could talk to about it.

931
01:10:08,400 --> 01:10:10,150
Dave? Hello?

932
01:10:10,569 --> 01:10:12,444
Yeah, you bet I will.

933
01:10:14,906 --> 01:10:16,532
I'd never felt more alone.

934
01:10:20,453 --> 01:10:25,833
I'd always dreamed of being a superhero,
but this was a nightmare.

935
01:10:30,338 --> 01:10:33,465
It was time to stop wearing
this stupid costume.

936
01:10:37,053 --> 01:10:40,014
But there was one last thing I needed it for.

937
01:10:42,100 --> 01:10:45,895
What's the difference between
Spider-Man and Peter Parker?

938
01:10:46,730 --> 01:10:49,064
Spider-Man gets the girl.

939
01:10:56,740 --> 01:10:58,949
Hey, I'm Kick-Ass.

940
01:11:03,747 --> 01:11:05,873
I'm Kick-Ass. You mail me?

941
01:11:06,958 --> 01:11:08,334
Wait...

942
01:11:09,210 --> 01:11:11,462
Fuck! Fuck!

943
01:11:11,671 --> 01:11:14,798
Fucking freak in a mask!
Get out of my house!

944
01:11:14,883 --> 01:11:16,717
I'm not gonna hurt you, all right?

945
01:11:16,801 --> 01:11:18,677
No, no, no! It's me, it's me!

946
01:11:18,762 --> 01:11:21,388
All right?
I was only trying to surprise you. I'm...

947
01:11:21,473 --> 01:11:23,891
- Dave? What the fuck are you doing?
- I'm sorry.

948
01:11:23,975 --> 01:11:26,894
- Why are you dressed as Kick-Ass?
- Because I am Kick-Ass.

949
01:11:27,270 --> 01:11:31,023
- What are you talking about?
- And I'm also not gay.

950
01:11:32,067 --> 01:11:34,693
- Fuck!
- And I'm an idiot and a shit friend.

951
01:11:34,778 --> 01:11:36,362
I lied to you, I know.

952
01:11:36,446 --> 01:11:38,864
- Oh, my God.
- I know. If it makes you feel any better,

953
01:11:38,949 --> 01:11:43,077
I don't think you can hate me any more
right now than I hate myself.

954
01:11:43,662 --> 01:11:45,329
Please, I'm...

955
01:11:46,414 --> 01:11:48,624
Look, I'm really, really sorry.

956
01:11:50,377 --> 01:11:56,507
I've never met anyone who's as beautiful
and as kind and lovely as you.

957
01:12:00,845 --> 01:12:02,554
You deserve better.

958
01:12:21,032 --> 01:12:23,033
- Dave.
- Yes?

959
01:12:24,536 --> 01:12:26,370
My mom has
the burglar alarm on downstairs,

960
01:12:26,454 --> 01:12:29,123
so you should probably use the window.

961
01:12:34,713 --> 01:12:35,838
Or...

962
01:12:40,552 --> 01:12:42,219
Or you could just stay.

963
01:12:43,888 --> 01:12:44,972
Stay?

964
01:12:45,724 --> 01:12:47,224
What, like when we have a sleepover?

965
01:12:54,315 --> 01:12:56,984
I'm sorry. I didn't mean to scare you.

966
01:12:59,070 --> 01:13:00,195
Wow.

967
01:13:29,517 --> 01:13:31,769
We gotta get over it,

968
01:13:31,853 --> 01:13:35,689
on top of it, and then into it,
right in the middle of it.

969
01:13:35,774 --> 01:13:37,608
Daddy, I think I found one.

970
01:13:37,692 --> 01:13:40,986
It's perfect,
and they can deliver it in three days.

971
01:13:42,322 --> 01:13:44,531
It's 300,000 bucks.

972
01:13:44,616 --> 01:13:46,700
Can you think of anything else
you'd rather spend it on?

973
01:13:46,785 --> 01:13:49,036
Oh, my gosh!

974
01:13:49,829 --> 01:13:52,498
- That is cool.
- Yeah.

975
01:13:53,792 --> 01:13:55,626
Add to shopping cart.

976
01:13:56,044 --> 01:13:57,127
Okay.

977
01:13:59,798 --> 01:14:03,050
Out of Kick-Ass and Red Mist,
who do you think would win in a fight?

978
01:14:03,426 --> 01:14:06,386
Why are they fighting? That seems stupid.

979
01:14:06,471 --> 01:14:10,390
- What do you think?
- I don't know, but I think Kick-Ass is cuter.

980
01:14:10,475 --> 01:14:11,725
Really?

981
01:14:12,644 --> 01:14:16,313
I, for one, would definitely
fuck his brains out if I got the chance.

982
01:14:18,316 --> 01:14:19,525
You would?

983
01:14:19,609 --> 01:14:20,692
Definitely.

984
01:14:21,277 --> 01:14:24,571
Do you feel like checking out
that new Kate Hudson movie

985
01:14:24,656 --> 01:14:26,406
where she's like a shoe designer,
can't get a guy?

986
01:14:26,491 --> 01:14:29,868
- I think we could make the next showing.
- Hell, yeah.

987
01:14:32,038 --> 01:14:34,123
I guess we're not invited.

988
01:14:34,833 --> 01:14:36,750
All right. You know what? Come here.

989
01:14:36,835 --> 01:14:39,711
I'm going to convert you
to a comics reader right now.

990
01:14:40,171 --> 01:14:44,299
Suddenly, I understood why
superheroes only existed in comic books.

991
01:14:44,384 --> 01:14:47,761
I got why people didn't risk their lives
for strangers.

992
01:14:47,846 --> 01:14:50,139
Because for the first time in my life,

993
01:14:50,223 --> 01:14:52,683
I had something worth living for,

994
01:14:52,767 --> 01:14:54,434
something to lose.

995
01:14:56,354 --> 01:14:58,522
Katie worried about me getting hurt,

996
01:14:58,606 --> 01:15:01,275
so I promised her
my Kick-Ass days were over.

997
01:15:01,359 --> 01:15:04,444
And the truth was I hardly missed it at all.

998
01:15:04,779 --> 01:15:07,531
I hadn't even checked
the website for, like, a week.

999
01:15:11,035 --> 01:15:13,036
Okay, I'm off then.

1000
01:15:13,788 --> 01:15:16,248
- No Katie tonight?
- Tomorrow.

1001
01:15:16,541 --> 01:15:19,793
Wednesdays, she's got
one of those volunteer things.

1002
01:15:19,878 --> 01:15:22,629
You seem like a different guy,
you know that?

1003
01:15:22,714 --> 01:15:26,884
Your mom would have been so happy
to see you out of your shell like this.

1004
01:15:26,968 --> 01:15:28,635
Have a good night.

1005
01:15:39,480 --> 01:15:41,899
- Hey, baby.
- Hey, what's going on?

1006
01:15:42,525 --> 01:15:44,109
I gotta do a Kick-Ass thing.

1007
01:15:44,611 --> 01:15:46,945
What? I thought you were done with that.

1008
01:15:47,030 --> 01:15:49,198
This is the last time. I totally swear.

1009
01:15:50,366 --> 01:15:51,575
I worry about you.

1010
01:15:52,410 --> 01:15:54,786
Well, I wish you wouldn't worry.

1011
01:15:55,121 --> 01:15:56,663
I can't help it. I do because I...

1012
01:15:59,083 --> 01:16:00,918
I care about you a lot.

1013
01:16:03,922 --> 01:16:06,089
I care about you a lot, too.

1014
01:16:37,205 --> 01:16:38,538
This better be pretty serious, dude,

1015
01:16:38,623 --> 01:16:41,041
'cause I promised my girlfriend
that I'm done with all this shit.

1016
01:16:41,125 --> 01:16:43,752
How about both of us being dead?
Is that serious enough for you?

1017
01:16:44,504 --> 01:16:46,713
Dead? How?

1018
01:16:46,965 --> 01:16:49,174
It turns out
those dead guys from the warehouse

1019
01:16:49,259 --> 01:16:52,678
had some bad motherfuckers for friends,
and they think we did that shit.

1020
01:16:52,762 --> 01:16:54,763
There's a price on our heads, man.

1021
01:16:54,847 --> 01:16:57,099
A price on our heads?
What is this, the Wild West?

1022
01:16:57,183 --> 01:16:59,977
I'm not messing with you, dude.
They found out where I lived.

1023
01:17:00,061 --> 01:17:01,770
They trashed my place. I'm fucking screwed.

1024
01:17:01,854 --> 01:17:04,523
- And you're gonna be next, okay?
- What?

1025
01:17:07,777 --> 01:17:08,860
Shit.

1026
01:17:10,154 --> 01:17:11,280
What do we do?

1027
01:17:14,534 --> 01:17:17,327
Remember you mentioned
that there are other superheroes?

1028
01:17:17,745 --> 01:17:18,787
Yeah?

1029
01:17:19,706 --> 01:17:21,415
Well, do you think they can help us?

1030
01:17:30,758 --> 01:17:33,176
Hot chocolate, extra marshmallows.

1031
01:17:36,347 --> 01:17:39,725
Man, that looks even cooler
than it did in the picture.

1032
01:17:39,809 --> 01:17:44,146
Child, you know, that's because
in the picture, it didn't have Gatling guns.

1033
01:17:44,439 --> 01:17:45,689
Nice job.

1034
01:17:46,274 --> 01:17:47,607
I'm gonna take mine to bed, okay?

1035
01:17:47,692 --> 01:17:50,110
Okay, baby doll. Sleep tight.

1036
01:17:50,194 --> 01:17:52,696
Thanks. Kick-Ass?

1037
01:17:54,115 --> 01:17:56,742
You go get dressed.
I'll tell him to meet us at Safe House B.

1038
01:17:56,826 --> 01:17:58,952
We'll have our hot chocolate
when we get back.

1039
01:17:59,037 --> 01:18:00,912
- Okay, Daddy.
- Come on.

1040
01:18:10,381 --> 01:18:11,715
- There you go.
- All right.

1041
01:18:12,175 --> 01:18:14,426
- Do you know where that is?
- No, but I'll just put it in the GPS.

1042
01:18:14,510 --> 01:18:17,054
- It's what it's for.
- All right, let's go.

1043
01:18:18,264 --> 01:18:19,389
Shit.

1044
01:19:55,319 --> 01:19:56,987
Okay, okay, okay.

1045
01:20:04,662 --> 01:20:09,416
Well, here you are and Red Mist, too.

1046
01:20:14,922 --> 01:20:17,340
- Pleasure to meet you.
- Good to meet you, sir.

1047
01:20:17,967 --> 01:20:19,551
Please, come in.

1048
01:20:20,052 --> 01:20:21,386
After you.

1049
01:20:24,640 --> 01:20:26,641
Hit Girl, manners, honey.

1050
01:20:29,395 --> 01:20:31,021
Hi, I'm Hit Girl.

1051
01:20:32,315 --> 01:20:38,028
No!

1052
01:20:39,864 --> 01:20:42,073
Your ass is mine! Come on.

1053
01:20:42,158 --> 01:20:43,533
No, he's with me. He's okay.

1054
01:20:43,618 --> 01:20:46,119
Shut the fuck up, kid.
Your daddy's the boss. You go home.

1055
01:20:46,204 --> 01:20:49,456
Are you shitting me? No, he's fine.
He's with me.

1056
01:20:49,749 --> 01:20:52,626
- Let him go.
- Get out of here. Get the fuck out of here.

1057
01:20:52,710 --> 01:20:54,586
Hot damn. I always wanted one of these.

1058
01:20:54,670 --> 01:20:56,338
- You're seriously gonna take that?
- Yes.

1059
01:20:56,422 --> 01:20:57,506
Come on, sweet cheeks.

1060
01:21:02,011 --> 01:21:03,637
If you don't get your
wannabe superhero ass in the car...

1061
01:21:03,721 --> 01:21:05,263
- That's funny.
...you're gonna have a lot of trouble

1062
01:21:05,348 --> 01:21:07,182
- on your hands.
- That's really funny. You're so fired.

1063
01:21:07,266 --> 01:21:09,809
- Kick-Ass...
- Get him out of here. Get him out of here.

1064
01:21:09,894 --> 01:21:12,145
- Get him in the van.
- Let go of me. Put me down.

1065
01:21:12,230 --> 01:21:13,855
Kick-Ass, I'm sorry!

1066
01:21:14,357 --> 01:21:16,566
- Get in the car.
- Get in there!

1067
01:21:29,247 --> 01:21:31,414
You better fire this asshole.

1068
01:21:31,582 --> 01:21:33,083
Ignore him...

1069
01:21:34,085 --> 01:21:35,418
A bazooka?

1070
01:21:37,880 --> 01:21:40,090
- Okay.
- We had a deal, Dad.

1071
01:21:40,174 --> 01:21:42,842
We had a fucking deal
that I would get you the guy who did it,

1072
01:21:42,927 --> 01:21:46,555
and all I'm asking is you let Kick-Ass go.
He didn't do anything wrong.

1073
01:21:46,639 --> 01:21:50,308
Chris, you got to look at this
from my point of view. Okay?

1074
01:21:50,393 --> 01:21:53,228
I gotta send a public service message
to the people out there

1075
01:21:53,604 --> 01:21:56,106
that being a superhero
is bad for your health.

1076
01:21:56,190 --> 01:21:58,817
And the Big motherfucker?
Nobody knows who he is.

1077
01:21:58,901 --> 01:22:02,445
- Yeah, but that's not fair!
- Yeah, life's not fair, kid. Get over it.

1078
01:22:02,530 --> 01:22:03,905
What are you gonna do to them?

1079
01:22:04,782 --> 01:22:07,117
You really wanna be a part of my business?

1080
01:22:09,829 --> 01:22:10,870
Yeah.

1081
01:22:10,955 --> 01:22:14,124
Then sit down, shut up and watch.

1082
01:22:23,009 --> 01:22:26,219
Frank, we're ready. Enjoy the show.

1083
01:22:26,304 --> 01:22:28,430
- Are you controlling this right now?
- I sure am.

1084
01:22:28,514 --> 01:22:30,890
Big Brother, watch and learn.

1085
01:22:31,559 --> 01:22:32,934
Welcome back. Breaking News.

1086
01:22:33,019 --> 01:22:35,729
A worldwide web broadcast
of the New York superhero

1087
01:22:35,813 --> 01:22:39,107
who calls himself Kick-Ass
is about to be shown live.

1088
01:22:39,191 --> 01:22:42,027
Rumors have it that
this will be Kick-Ass's farewell appearance,

1089
01:22:42,445 --> 01:22:44,529
that he will announce
his retirement from crime fighting.

1090
01:22:44,947 --> 01:22:47,073
But as word of mouth continues to spread,

1091
01:22:47,158 --> 01:22:48,658
Internet providers are predicting that

1092
01:22:48,743 --> 01:22:52,329
it could be one of the most widely-viewed
live events in web history.

1093
01:22:52,872 --> 01:22:53,955
Wait, where's Dave?

1094
01:22:54,040 --> 01:22:56,041
There are no clues as yet
as to the exact nature...

1095
01:22:56,125 --> 01:22:58,960
- Holy shit. Have you guys noticed...
- He's with Katie.

1096
01:22:59,045 --> 01:23:01,212
- Obviously.
...come to a standstill to watch.

1097
01:23:01,297 --> 01:23:02,881
Why else would I be here?

1098
01:23:02,965 --> 01:23:06,343
There's no idea as to who is behind
the broadcast of this show,

1099
01:23:06,427 --> 01:23:08,970
but we could see
widespread server crashes...

1100
01:23:09,889 --> 01:23:11,931
Dave, why didn't you tell me
this is what you were doing?

1101
01:23:12,016 --> 01:23:13,892
You're on the news. Call me.

1102
01:23:13,976 --> 01:23:17,228
We go now over live to the countdown
clock as we are moments away.

1103
01:23:29,825 --> 01:23:31,201
Show time.

1104
01:23:33,287 --> 01:23:35,163
Hello, boys and girls.

1105
01:23:35,623 --> 01:23:37,082
Now, this...

1106
01:23:38,334 --> 01:23:39,793
Well, you know who this guy is.

1107
01:23:39,877 --> 01:23:42,712
And this guy here is Big Daddy.

1108
01:23:43,381 --> 01:23:45,548
And these are my friends.

1109
01:23:45,633 --> 01:23:47,676
Come on in, guys, say hello.

1110
01:23:47,760 --> 01:23:51,137
Yeah, yeah, there they are. Hello, hello.

1111
01:23:51,222 --> 01:23:54,683
Now Big Daddy and Kick-Ass
are gonna help us

1112
01:23:54,767 --> 01:23:59,312
show you why being a hero is a bad idea.

1113
01:23:59,855 --> 01:24:01,314
You know what a silent "K" is?

1114
01:24:01,816 --> 01:24:03,692
That's when "K" is
at the beginning of the word,

1115
01:24:03,776 --> 01:24:06,611
but you don't pronounce it.
Like in the word "Knuckleduster."

1116
01:24:06,696 --> 01:24:09,239
Show them what
a knuckleduster can do, guy.

1117
01:24:10,157 --> 01:24:12,367
That must have hurt!
Let's see that again from the other side.

1118
01:24:12,451 --> 01:24:14,828
Go on. Yeah, I think it did.

1119
01:24:14,912 --> 01:24:19,374
Now in France, they say the word "stick"
like this, b�ton.

1120
01:24:19,750 --> 01:24:21,334
We got some of Kick-Ass's b�tons.

1121
01:24:21,419 --> 01:24:24,379
We're gonna show you what they can do.
Go ahead, boys.

1122
01:24:27,591 --> 01:24:31,469
In America, we say "stick" like this.
Baseball bat.

1123
01:24:31,929 --> 01:24:36,015
Which is very good
for hitting knees and stomachs.

1124
01:24:36,100 --> 01:24:38,601
It's also good for hitting balls.

1125
01:24:39,562 --> 01:24:41,646
Know what else we do?
We don't do them individually.

1126
01:24:41,939 --> 01:24:45,692
We do them all together.
Gentlemen, please.

1127
01:24:45,776 --> 01:24:48,820
Yeah. This looks very painful.

1128
01:24:52,450 --> 01:24:56,453
Due to the distressing nature of the images,
we are unable to broadcast the events

1129
01:24:56,537 --> 01:24:58,371
currently streaming live on the Internet.

1130
01:24:58,456 --> 01:25:00,707
- Fuck.
- No. No, no, no.

1131
01:25:02,960 --> 01:25:07,046
Despite initial speculation that this may be
some kind of hoax or publicity stunt,

1132
01:25:07,131 --> 01:25:10,383
it is now clear that the hostages
are in genuine danger,

1133
01:25:10,468 --> 01:25:14,846
that all signs point to the intention to stage
a live execution in the next few minutes.

1134
01:25:28,819 --> 01:25:32,572
Even with my metal plates
and my fucked-up nerve endings,

1135
01:25:32,656 --> 01:25:35,325
I got to tell you, that hurt.

1136
01:25:37,661 --> 01:25:39,162
The kerosene.

1137
01:25:39,497 --> 01:25:41,039
Yes, the silent killer.

1138
01:25:41,123 --> 01:25:45,001
But not half as much as the idea
of leaving everything behind.

1139
01:25:45,461 --> 01:25:46,753
Katie,

1140
01:25:46,837 --> 01:25:48,171
my dad,

1141
01:25:48,798 --> 01:25:50,173
Todd and Marty.

1142
01:25:50,633 --> 01:25:54,761
And all the things I'd never do,
like learn to drive,

1143
01:25:55,429 --> 01:25:57,972
or see what me and Katie's kids
would look like

1144
01:25:58,057 --> 01:25:59,974
or find out what happened on Lost.

1145
01:26:00,059 --> 01:26:01,142
Spicy, spicy.

1146
01:26:01,227 --> 01:26:02,852
And if you're reassuring yourself

1147
01:26:02,937 --> 01:26:06,105
that I'm gonna make it through this
since I'm talking to you now,

1148
01:26:07,024 --> 01:26:08,775
quit being such a smartass.

1149
01:26:09,360 --> 01:26:14,906
Hell, dude, you never seen Sin City,
Sunset Blvd., American Beauty?

1150
01:26:15,866 --> 01:26:18,910
And this, for all you cavemen out there,

1151
01:26:20,037 --> 01:26:21,579
is fire.

1152
01:26:22,623 --> 01:26:23,790
No.

1153
01:26:29,630 --> 01:26:30,755
I know.

1154
01:26:31,340 --> 01:26:32,882
Fire. Fire is good.

1155
01:26:34,426 --> 01:26:36,511
Fire is our friend.

1156
01:26:37,388 --> 01:26:38,763
Yeah, yeah.

1157
01:26:45,062 --> 01:26:46,104
Gentlemen,

1158
01:26:48,482 --> 01:26:49,899
time to die.

1159
01:26:55,739 --> 01:26:56,781
What the...

1160
01:27:01,662 --> 01:27:05,290
What the fuck just happened? Hey, hey.
Somebody find the lights.

1161
01:27:05,833 --> 01:27:07,000
Hello!

1162
01:27:08,252 --> 01:27:09,460
Jimmy.

1163
01:27:18,304 --> 01:27:19,637
Jesus Christ.

1164
01:27:20,764 --> 01:27:22,682
Bobby? Bobby?

1165
01:27:56,133 --> 01:27:57,508
Get the lighter!

1166
01:27:58,469 --> 01:28:00,970
It's on the floor right over there.
Find the lighter.

1167
01:28:06,810 --> 01:28:08,061
I got it.

1168
01:28:22,326 --> 01:28:25,036
- No!
- Take cover, child.

1169
01:28:30,584 --> 01:28:34,337
Now switch to Kryptonite.

1170
01:28:34,755 --> 01:28:36,130
Kryptonite.

1171
01:29:05,619 --> 01:29:09,455
Go to Robin's Revenge!

1172
01:29:09,540 --> 01:29:11,249
Robin, Robin.

1173
01:29:56,420 --> 01:29:57,920
Show's over, motherfuckers.

1174
01:30:03,302 --> 01:30:06,095
Yeah! I think I'm in love with her, dude.

1175
01:30:06,472 --> 01:30:08,973
She looks like
she's about 11 years old, but...

1176
01:30:09,058 --> 01:30:12,393
I can wait!
I solemnly vow to save myself for her.

1177
01:30:13,437 --> 01:30:16,606
That should be really difficult for you.
Are you okay?

1178
01:30:17,024 --> 01:30:18,149
Yeah.

1179
01:30:37,461 --> 01:30:38,795
Good job.

1180
01:30:47,387 --> 01:30:49,680
I'm so proud of you, baby doll.

1181
01:30:52,392 --> 01:30:53,851
Are you okay?

1182
01:30:59,566 --> 01:31:02,860
But getting shot, Daddy,
it hurt a lot more than when you did it.

1183
01:31:04,780 --> 01:31:08,491
That's 'cause I used
low velocity rounds, child.

1184
01:31:13,330 --> 01:31:15,206
You're the kindest daddy
in the whole world.

1185
01:31:15,874 --> 01:31:17,333
No, I just...

1186
01:31:20,337 --> 01:31:21,712
I love you.

1187
01:31:27,010 --> 01:31:38,437
I love you, too, Daddy.

1188
01:31:39,982 --> 01:31:41,357
Sleep tight.

1189
01:32:00,586 --> 01:32:01,878
What's your name?

1190
01:32:02,963 --> 01:32:04,630
I mean your real name.

1191
01:32:05,007 --> 01:32:07,592
A superhero never reveals his true identity.

1192
01:32:07,676 --> 01:32:10,261
What? Look, you can't go on...

1193
01:32:11,889 --> 01:32:14,056
However you lived before,

1194
01:32:17,644 --> 01:32:18,769
it's over.

1195
01:32:21,190 --> 01:32:24,066
Is there anybody else? Your family or...

1196
01:32:24,151 --> 01:32:26,485
Look, I can take care of myself.

1197
01:32:27,237 --> 01:32:28,988
I saved your sorry ass.

1198
01:32:29,907 --> 01:32:33,868
What about money, huh?
All right, 'cause you got to think long term.

1199
01:32:33,952 --> 01:32:36,579
I've got $3 million in a suitcase.

1200
01:32:37,706 --> 01:32:40,082
That "long term" enough for you?

1201
01:32:42,836 --> 01:32:45,046
It's not all about the money.

1202
01:32:46,340 --> 01:32:47,673
I owe you.

1203
01:32:49,218 --> 01:32:51,260
If it wasn't for you, I'd be dead.

1204
01:32:52,596 --> 01:32:54,597
And if it wasn't for you,

1205
01:32:56,099 --> 01:32:57,266
my dad wouldn't be.

1206
01:33:14,785 --> 01:33:15,910
Look,

1207
01:33:16,995 --> 01:33:20,539
pack up whatever you need
and we'll go back to my place.

1208
01:33:21,959 --> 01:33:24,001
I just need to clean my...

1209
01:33:24,628 --> 01:33:25,795
Just go.

1210
01:34:21,143 --> 01:34:25,688
I meant like pajamas and clothes and stuff.
You can't take that stuff to my house.

1211
01:34:25,897 --> 01:34:27,606
You know what my dad
really would have wanted?

1212
01:34:33,488 --> 01:34:36,157
He would have wanted me
to finish what we started.

1213
01:34:37,367 --> 01:34:39,035
And that's exactly what I'm gonna do.

1214
01:34:56,428 --> 01:34:58,679
Is this Frank D'Amico's place?

1215
01:34:59,348 --> 01:35:01,015
All that security?

1216
01:35:01,516 --> 01:35:04,935
- Are you crazy?
- My mom already died for nothing.

1217
01:35:06,313 --> 01:35:09,357
So I'm sure as hell
not gonna let my dad die for nothing, too.

1218
01:35:11,735 --> 01:35:13,235
You can't do this on your own.

1219
01:35:15,655 --> 01:35:16,906
Exactly.

1220
01:35:19,659 --> 01:35:21,243
Do you wanna deal with owing my dad?

1221
01:35:23,413 --> 01:35:25,581
Then shut the hell up
and pick your weapon.

1222
01:35:34,800 --> 01:35:36,258
Is that what I think it is?

1223
01:35:37,928 --> 01:35:39,261
Damn straight.

1224
01:35:39,346 --> 01:35:41,847
And you better start
reading the instructions,

1225
01:35:41,932 --> 01:35:45,393
'cause you're gonna be
using it in about five minutes.

1226
01:35:52,567 --> 01:35:55,820
Yo, listen up. We got five minutes,
then I want you back on your posts.

1227
01:35:56,154 --> 01:35:57,655
And don't leave a mess.

1228
01:36:12,379 --> 01:36:15,297
- Everything okay?
- Everything's all right, boss.

1229
01:36:17,092 --> 01:36:18,968
I can't believe I got my gun back.
Look at that.

1230
01:36:19,636 --> 01:36:21,303
You know, it's not the...

1231
01:36:25,475 --> 01:36:26,809
Let her in.

1232
01:36:30,105 --> 01:36:33,149
It's a little kid. What's the matter with you?

1233
01:36:37,320 --> 01:36:39,155
You okay, sweetheart?

1234
01:36:39,322 --> 01:36:40,364
I...

1235
01:36:41,283 --> 01:36:42,908
I lost my mommy and daddy.

1236
01:36:43,660 --> 01:36:45,202
She lost her mommy and daddy.

1237
01:36:46,663 --> 01:36:48,873
You want to use my cell phone?

1238
01:36:49,875 --> 01:36:52,209
Now can you remember the number?

1239
01:37:01,470 --> 01:37:02,553
Help!

1240
01:37:35,879 --> 01:37:38,297
Had I ever been a real superhero?

1241
01:37:39,216 --> 01:37:41,842
The most I'd ever had to offer the world
was good intentions

1242
01:37:41,927 --> 01:37:45,221
and a slightly elevated capacity
to take a kicking.

1243
01:37:47,057 --> 01:37:50,559
With no power comes no responsibility.

1244
01:37:51,770 --> 01:37:55,064
Except that wasn't true.

1245
01:38:43,238 --> 01:38:44,446
- Did you hear that?
- Holy shit.

1246
01:38:44,531 --> 01:38:46,282
Take cover, please.

1247
01:40:11,451 --> 01:40:12,660
Shit.

1248
01:40:13,620 --> 01:40:14,662
No.

1249
01:40:16,706 --> 01:40:17,831
Shit.

1250
01:40:20,919 --> 01:40:22,419
What the fuck?

1251
01:40:26,966 --> 01:40:28,801
Get in here. Help me out!

1252
01:40:34,057 --> 01:40:36,684
Holy fuck, Fashion, everybody's dead.

1253
01:40:38,895 --> 01:40:40,854
She's behind the counter.
She's out of ammo, okay?

1254
01:40:56,579 --> 01:40:58,706
Do you think they got them?

1255
01:40:58,790 --> 01:41:00,749
If they didn't, he will.

1256
01:41:02,085 --> 01:41:03,669
Get out there.

1257
01:41:03,837 --> 01:41:04,837
Now?

1258
01:41:04,921 --> 01:41:06,255
Yeah, now.

1259
01:41:16,850 --> 01:41:18,100
What the fuck is going on?

1260
01:41:18,184 --> 01:41:19,977
We got her trapped. She's unarmed.

1261
01:41:20,061 --> 01:41:22,354
So what in the hell
are you guys waiting for?

1262
01:41:22,439 --> 01:41:24,064
- Go get her.
- Go on, man.

1263
01:41:24,149 --> 01:41:26,024
- Go get her.
- I ain't got no fucking gun.

1264
01:41:26,109 --> 01:41:27,776
I'm not going in.

1265
01:41:29,446 --> 01:41:30,779
You do now.

1266
01:41:31,823 --> 01:41:33,115
Now move.

1267
01:41:53,052 --> 01:41:55,971
Fuck this shit. I'm getting the bazooka.

1268
01:41:58,391 --> 01:42:01,143
Bazooka?

1269
01:42:02,604 --> 01:42:05,105
It's only me, boss.
Everything's under control.

1270
01:42:17,494 --> 01:42:21,747
Under control? You're grabbing
a fucking bazooka, you dumbass.

1271
01:42:23,792 --> 01:42:24,833
Sir?

1272
01:42:26,836 --> 01:42:28,003
Do it.

1273
01:42:49,359 --> 01:42:50,567
I always wanted to say this.

1274
01:42:53,321 --> 01:42:55,864
Say hello to my little friend!

1275
01:43:27,397 --> 01:43:28,814
Dirty motherfuckers!

1276
01:43:54,924 --> 01:43:56,258
Holy shit.

1277
01:44:04,851 --> 01:44:07,227
That is one weird-sounding bazooka.

1278
01:44:07,312 --> 01:44:08,395
Stu!

1279
01:44:13,985 --> 01:44:15,110
Fuck!

1280
01:44:25,204 --> 01:44:26,455
Get him.

1281
01:44:35,715 --> 01:44:37,507
Playtime's over, kid.

1282
01:44:38,718 --> 01:44:40,344
I never play.

1283
01:44:41,554 --> 01:44:42,888
Oh, really?

1284
01:46:00,717 --> 01:46:02,092
Ruin my business, huh?

1285
01:46:04,012 --> 01:46:06,888
Kill every single fucking guy on my payroll?

1286
01:46:36,878 --> 01:46:38,920
God, I wish I had a son like you.

1287
01:46:45,845 --> 01:46:47,888
Time for a family reunion.

1288
01:46:49,557 --> 01:46:50,682
Hey.

1289
01:46:51,434 --> 01:46:54,352
Why don't you pick on someone
your own size?

1290
01:47:13,539 --> 01:47:15,540
- Are you okay?
- Yeah.

1291
01:47:17,085 --> 01:47:18,502
Time to go home.

1292
01:48:55,558 --> 01:48:56,850
Thanks, Kick-Ass.

1293
01:48:57,393 --> 01:48:58,727
My daddy,

1294
01:49:01,355 --> 01:49:03,398
he would have been proud of both of us.

1295
01:49:13,993 --> 01:49:15,035
Dave.

1296
01:49:16,078 --> 01:49:17,579
Dave Lizewski.

1297
01:49:17,955 --> 01:49:19,247
I know that, dumbass.

1298
01:49:30,635 --> 01:49:31,801
Mindy.

1299
01:49:33,429 --> 01:49:34,971
Mindy Macready.

1300
01:49:51,572 --> 01:49:53,323
- Have a good day. Bye.
- Bye.

1301
01:49:56,077 --> 01:49:59,120
Mindy moved in with Marcus,
and he enrolled her at my school.

1302
01:49:59,205 --> 01:50:00,830
- Bye.
- Good luck.

1303
01:50:01,874 --> 01:50:05,752
First school she'd ever been to,
on the promise that I'd look out for her.

1304
01:50:06,963 --> 01:50:07,963
Hey.

1305
01:50:08,047 --> 01:50:09,547
Not that she needed me to.

1306
01:50:09,632 --> 01:50:11,091
Hey, new kid.

1307
01:50:11,425 --> 01:50:12,467
Hi.

1308
01:50:12,969 --> 01:50:14,427
Lunch money.

1309
01:50:14,971 --> 01:50:16,096
Now.

1310
01:50:23,980 --> 01:50:26,606
Kick-Ass was gone, but not forgotten.

1311
01:50:27,733 --> 01:50:30,902
And my world was much safer
with all the new superheroes.

1312
01:50:32,154 --> 01:50:34,364
They said I was their inspiration,

1313
01:50:34,824 --> 01:50:37,575
but all I did was make a door
into a world I'd dreamed about

1314
01:50:37,660 --> 01:50:39,661
since I was a little kid.

1315
01:50:40,329 --> 01:50:42,747
A world full of superheroes, huh?

1316
01:50:45,126 --> 01:50:47,168
As a great man once said,

1317
01:50:50,006 --> 01:50:52,465
"Wait till they get a load of me."

1318
01:50:53,000 --> 01:50:56,101
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